Paragraph #26

Moving on:

Jaered breathed in, smelling the tang of the few humans who dared walk among the vampires, and smirked to himself. Excitement, fear, and that ineffable thing that screamed ‘prey’ to all his instincts. Beneath it all, he gloated. Baby vampires like himself, younger than five years, weren’t supposed to be in a place like this. But he had known he could handle it—knew that the smell of blood, ever present in a place where humans came out and mingled with vampires—would not bother him. He was capable, able to rein in his thirst, able to look around and breathe in the blood but not attack.

This is very good.  Very different from my style, so I have to be a bit careful there.  Mostly this needs a slight word choice edit:

Excitement, fear, and that ineffable thing – want a more precise word here instead of thing: scent, flavor, spice, psychic aftertaste

Excitement, fear, and that ineffable thing that screamed ‘prey’ to all his instincts. Beneath it all, he gloated. – Beneath what all?  Those are not his emotions, those are the emotions he is sensing in the crowd.  Perhaps, deep inside 0r inwardly he gloated?

Also lookit here:

Jaered breathed in, smelling the tang of the few humans who dared walk among the vampires, and smirked to himself. Excitement, fear, and that ineffable thing that screamed ‘prey’ to all his instincts. Beneath it all, he gloated. Baby vampires like himself, younger than five years, weren’t supposed to be in a place like this. But he had known he could handle it—knew that the smell of blood, ever present in a place where humans came out and mingled with vampires—would not bother him. He was capable, able to rein in his thirst, able to look around and breathe in the blood but not attack.

Do you see how this is written in a circle?  He breathes in the blood of the humans who walk among vampires.  He is happy that he sneaked into this place where he breathes in the scent of blood of human who mingle with vampires.

I’d restructure this a bit to eliminate the repetition, but it would require severe rephrasing, and I’m not going to go there unless given permission.  I think this author can resolve this on their own .  Think of each paragraph as a tiny story delivering a clear message.