On Edge Grandma’s…
Not to be messed with.
PS. If any beta people feel like plowing through this pile of crap, drop me a line, would you? I could really use some feedback.
Grandmother Az took Gaston’s face into her hands and held him gently, like she used to do when he was a tiny babe. Before them the ward stones shielding Sheerile’s territory dotted the swamp forest. “Are you sure, chado?”
Gaston nodded.
“Such a good boy you are.” Az smiled, noticing the tiny tremors troubling the boy’s hands. Scared boy. Scared, scared. “Very well.”
“What do I do?”
“Just stand here next to me. Ry, are you ready?”
Urow’s oldest son nodded, the great mane of glossy black hair spilling onto his shoulders, and adjusted the backpack strapped to his back.
“Remember, the Fisherman’s track. That’s your way back. Don’t stay there. Don’t wait for it to happen, or you might not get out.”
He nodded again. Should cut his hair, she decided. Or teach him how to braid it. Not good for a man to run around with a waist-long mane.
“Off we go then.” Grandma rested her hand on Gaston’s shoulder, feeling the hard knot of the muscle. “It’s alright,” she whispered. “Trust your grandmother, child.”
The boy relaxed under her fingers. Grandmother Az stood straighter and gathered her power. It came to her like a cloud of angry bees, pouring from the leaves and the ground in a flood centered on her. This was the old magic. Mire magic. It had once built an Empire the likes of which the world had never seen before. All was gone now, but the magic remained.
The boy gasped. Hungry, Az pulled the power from him, more and more. Gaston shuddered and went down to his knees. His head drooped.
She could see it now, the storm of magic draping her like a dark mantle, billowing in the wind of the eno currents. The witch’s cloak, they called it.
Az felt Gaston’s heartbeat flutter in her, weaker and weaker. Enough. She could’ve taken more. Some part of her longed for it, longed for the power, but she shut that part of her soul off, slammed the door in its wailing hungry face. She let him go, although it took all of her will to do it, and her grandbaby fell face down into the soft earth.
The witch’s cloak coalesced, shaped by her will. Here is to you, Odoma. May you rot in hell with your spawn.
Az punched the air, throwing all of her weight into the strike. The magic burst along her arm, a dreadful needle aimed at the heart of the Sheerile land, where their manor lay. The stones shook in the earth and two of them went black.
A shadowy path opened in the wards, only four feet across and straight as a bolt.
“Now, Ry! Go!”
Urow’s oldest dashed along the path and within two breaths vanished from their view.
“There he goes,” Az murmured. “So fast. Like the wind.”
Her legs crumbled under her, but her children’s hands caught her before she fell. The ward stone grew paler and paler, slowly returning to their normal grey color. The protective spells were flaring to life, reclaiming the path she had made.
“Getting too old for this,” Az murmured before sleep claimed her.
Yay!! Thank you for the snippet Ilona. Grandma rocks!! xxx
Ying said it best!! Ditto!!
I like this grandma… I’m seeing an Edge trend with some pretty kick ass grandma figures!!
I agree-Grandmas ROCK!!
Hi Ilona,
I am not your beta, but well I read the snippet and decided to give you my ideas on it:
1.
Im very confused with the magic scene. It says that she calls the magic, it comes to her. Sounds like an external event. It is mentioned that it pours from the leaves and ground *into* her. Next paragraph says “Hungry, Az pulled the power from her, more and more”. Az pulled the power *from* her, which would mean it is internal and she is pulling it out from her core. It is confusing and really messed my interpretation of the scene. Is she calling it to her or pulling it from inside? I believe it was meant to be an outside action, since she is pulling from the boy, but im not sure.
Also at the end I believe Gaston is on the ground, face down and totally worn out. But a second later when her grandma falls he catches her… on my imagination he was laying there, completely out and suddenly moved ninja style to catch her. Didn’t make sense to me at least.
It should say from him – it’s a typo,
Gaston was not the only person standing next grandmother. There were others. If you read the snippet carefully, Gaston is her grandchild, while people who caught her were her children.
This book is very fantasy-heavy, so there will be a learning curve. I decided that I don’t really care whether it adheres to the UF “boundaries” or not, because I really am very tired of worrying about how much content I’m putting into it.
It’s going to have complex magic, and people will either like or not. So fair warning – if the complicated worldbuilding isn’t something you enjoy, this is probably the one to skip.
*rubs hands together*
Can’t wait!! Sounds fricken amazing!!
Thank you!!
It’s not for everybody and I realize that. But really I made ON THE EDGE as simple as it could get and I want to do cool stuff with this one. It will either fly or it won’t. At this point I’m too tired to care.
I’m actually enjoying all the world building and cant wait to have the book
I missed the children/granchildren part, sorry.
The *from him* makes all the sense in the world.
Can’t reply to your other message – the comments only go 5 deep.
I’m glad it makes more sense now. Lord knows, it makes no sense to me any longer.
I really liked the scene and totally sold me the book too.
I cant wait.
Ilona, I read it again and now I know why I thought it was only the 3 of them. Im wondering if this is because the scene is cropped and that is why I am not getting it:
If grandma loves her grandchildren, why her children would not catch Gaston (who she cares for) when he falls face down? Because of the magic? I think that particular thing is what lead me to believe it was only 3 of them there.
grandma rocks!
thanks for the snippet
freaky grandma, that’s all im saying.
I likes it! I likes it alot! Thanks!
I realize my taste is in the minority, but detailed worldcrafting is better than sex.
I can’t wait!
=A
Agreed!
I liked it. Is it Christmas or something?? So many goodies over 2 days. Thank you!
Thanks Ilona, I agree with everyone, Grandma rocks!!!
Thanks for writing such strong women! Grandma Az sounds like a rock!
Sounds different from anything I’ve read lately. I have to admit I was disorientated at first but I’m sure that would change with more background.
Yummy snipet! Grandma sounds a little creepy but in a good way.
I may not be a certified beta either but I sure enjoy reading the preview snippets!
I would have to agree with Adriana that the whole face plant in the dirt thing is a bit harsh…I was puzzled when she was caught by her other grandchildren (I did understand there were others) and he wasn’t. Also, manes…this word tends to make me cringe a little when it isn’t used for an animal so the two rapid fire like that to describe his hair was a bit over the top for me. I am excited to read more!
Again, not a beta person, but a couple of questions from reading.
1) She holds Gaston’s face, but then she puts her hand on his shoulder; and pulls from him until he drops to his knees – is he facing away somehow when she touches his shoulder? Or does he fall at her?
2) “Here is to you, Odoma.” Is this a toast? Or something of that sort? A little confusing in context
3) Az is claimed by sleep? Or unconsciousness? The “getting too old for this” implies she’s basically fainting, or losing consciousness in some way; but sleep is such a kinder thing to fall into, so is it less impactful than I got from the read? Or just that she’s so out of it, it might as well be sleep?
4) You get the feeling that Gaston is a child of her heart (grandbaby references, etc); but Ry isn’t. Not sure if that’s something you wanted to convey, but just in case.
5)Gaston hand tremors – this made me want him to be reaching for something, or contrasting his shaking hands to his stoic body; something where I would feel like I (as Az) had a reason to be checking out his hands.
6) Random thought – with the ward stones reclaiming the path she made, it implies that she’s not a good magic worker (also implied by the hunger for more of Gaston); just putting that out there, so you can gage desired impact.
There you go, all the critical thoughts I could muster at this hour! Hope at least one of them is useful!
Ilona, really you have to stop writing so well every time i read something of yours i almost die form joy
I’m really excited about the worldbuilding.
Dropped you an e-mail.
Thanks Ilona! I love your snippets
I was confused by the part when she thinks a man should not have hair so long…. then Az calls him a boy as he relaxes under her fingers.
I love the complex world building. I read to escape the “real’ world. Can’t wait to read this one.
okay, not a Beta here either, and I am not as good in reviews as others here (I belong to the group that says: “Yesss! New shiny thing to read from Ilona!” and doesn’t really care for the rest as usually a second read will help me understand things better.)
On this though… It sounds to me that this is only a part of a larger scene that if you read as a whole will make better sense, even so, I had some trouble with the ‘Taking the magic from the leaves and the earth’ as she begins and then describing her as ‘Hungry’ and Gaston falling face down… However, after some thought on it it made sense as in Gaston is acting like a… sort of catalyst or ‘cable’ (not sure on the word right now) that can take the enviromental magic and transform it to something usable in the hands of his Grandmother – Scary grandmother too, but I like it, Not all grannys are the sweet old ladies that sing songs and tell stories to their grandchildren… – on the previous thought now, I see the scene as it goes, Gaston looking at his granny and then looking straight ahead, or she kneels in front of him and then stands up to work her magic… so, it’s not as confusing and… the complexity of a world – when explained as thoroughly as needed for the story (not all the way but enough to know what happens) as we have seen it in Kate and the Edge, only adds to my willingness to read it…
(And as I just thought of it – I find my self in the minority, i think, that didn’t think Magic Bites as ‘slow’ in the beginning because of the world – description…. I guess I am backward like that.
)
When can we expect some more on this? I know, I know… september 2010… oh well… June is comming soon…
[...] Oh I love a good book cover. This is the cover for Ilona Andews’ Bayou Moon, tentatively scheduled for release in September 2010. The color is gorgeous and I’m digging the sword. You can read an excerpt of Bayou Moon on Ilona’s blog HERE. [...]