Rules of Blogging for Ilona
- Do not admit to liking anything or people will send you things. Even if you specifically state on the website that the address is for books only. Even if you ask people to specifically stop sending things. They will still do it. In bulk.
- Do not admit to struggling with writing, or people will send you panicky emails asking if the book will be delayed.
- Do not admit to struggling with weight, or people will explain to you in detail that you are NOT fat and they know better than you what you have to eat.
- Do not attempt to make fun of yourself – people will attempt to reassure you. (Also, they will attempt to explain to you how use thesaurus. Honestly, guys, six books written, I appreciate the help, lol, but I can’t stop laughing.)
- Do not attempt to vent, period or people will reassure you, send you panicky emails and send you things.
- Do not attempt to make fun of X (other people, pets, moves, etc), because people will go on other boards and tell other people you hate X and then you’ll get hatemail
- Never link to any reviews under any circumstances, or the reviewer will be bombed.
- Put a disclaimer on everything. (See the disclaimer in the title of this post)
- Do not joke about a legal separation from Gordon or people will send you panicky emails asking if that means the series is canceled.
You guys are an awesome, supportive, kind, and witty crowd, and I’m grateful to you all, but you do make it pretty hard to find a safe topic. O_O
On second thought I should put this on a T-shirt and sell it to newly published writers.
PS. People, I swear, if any of you send me $20, I will close down this blog. Don’t get any ideas.
You guys crack me up. I guess so many of us just feel like we know you through the blogs, even if it’s superficial.
I do have this weird urge to send you good tea though, but I’ve managed to suppress the urge so far, will continue to do so in the future….
Bwahahahahahaha!
:wiping tears: Please don’t send me tea…hahaha. Thank you, but I don’t want you guys to go through the expense.
That is hilarious. I love your rules. I lol’d when I read you didn’t want reassurement in the last blog entry, and then the responses were all reassurement.
LOL…that does limit your topic choices. I will not send you tea, but have been meaning to see if you’ve seen Teavana’s website. They have a store in a mall near me, and have some niffty teas. Last time I went there I bought a chocolate tea blend. MMMmmm.
http://www.teavana.com
Actually someone just sent me some Teavana. It smells divine.
teeheehee! You always crack me up!! I think with this list you are stuck blogging about 2 things:
1. Snippets
2. Curran POV
Stick to talking about yarn, action figures, how good tv shows are hard to find and how reality shows are evil and why chocolate is the most incredible invention in the world ever and you should be good ^_^
No you see, I did that and then got a mountain of chocolate for Christmas. From four different countries.
Which I must point that the girls and I thought was awesome. Who does not love Austrian, English or Italian chocolate? Also our friend Reece sent us super tasty coffee from Hawaii.
listen to your guy, ilona!!!
I plan to make you all addicted to Austrian chocolate so you pester your German publisher long enough to send you over here
My bet is they get yarn and chocolate sent to them too…not that that’s a bad thing.
I think they should post about how much they love cash, especially $20 bills.
Yea, do that!!
Ah, man! Ruin all my fun, why don’t you? I was going to send you a bottle of wine from a local (to where I grew up) winery that is just fantastic.
I hadn’t quite figured out the shipping logistics on a glass bottle full of liquid, but I was well into the thinking about it stage.
Of course, now that I go to their site, I see I probably could’ve bought it directly from the winery and they would’ve shipped it to you. Bah!
Then again, I always was a rebel*, so I could send it anyway. Bwahahaha!
–
*Okay, that’s a lie. I never was a rebel. But I could learn.
Aha! Watch me thwart your evil plans: you actually can’t ship alcohol. Post Office feels it’s illegal and UPS and FedEx won’t do it. So you would have to LIE and tell them you are shipping a vase or something and I know you won’t do that.
Loved the “rules”.
Actually some wineries can ship to individuals depending on state law. (evil grin). So besides your chocolate and tea addiction, we initiate another one.
I do like the upthread suggestion that you should claim to be fond of twenties. You can never have too many of those. Small, portable, easy stored. The perfect gift.
The legality is one of the reasons I’ve been holding off, as I remember reading somewhere that it’s illegal. On the other hand, it looks like the winery does ship to GA.
However, I will restrain myself. If you don’t want a tasty, delicious bottle of sweet red wine, who am I to argue? That just means more for me.
Now I have to go and get my South African bottle.
From what I understand, shipping through winery or store is fine. But we had the damnedest time trying to get two bottles of bourbon to New York for Christmas.
You don’t want stuff? Well, hell, I’ll take the stuff. Free Chocolate. Yum!
ROFLMAO – You and your husband pretty regularly make me laugh, which can’t be such a bad thing.
I suspect I’d like you if I knew you in person.
And, no I’m not going to send you anything. Or reassure you. You’re on your own. Promise.
I appreciate how you are attempting to use your powers of suggestion for good and not evil.
If I knew people would send me things that I happened to mention that I liked, I would be very tempted, indeed.
I also had to laugh that the response you listed to your “separation” from your husband was “But, but, what about Kate??!!”
Now you have me wondering how many panicky e-mails and gifts you get!! I have a bad feeling it is significant number. Poor Ilona — now I will send sympathcy card
LMAO Great rules.
I can blog abt everything and nobody sends me anything. I suck. lol
You & Gordon get these things because of how awesome you both are.
I think blogging abt how you love $20 is a fine idea. >;)
(Also, they will attempt to explain to you how use thesaurus. Honestly, guys, six books written, I appreciate the help, lol, but I can’t stop laughing.)
I lost it on that rule.^^^
Who would send a writer a thesaurus?
Haahahahaahaa. Does this work in reverse? If I start commenting about how much I LOOOVE Curran POV’s and Kate snippets will y’all shower us with even more?
“It’s not my blood,” I growled.
Andrea nodded. “I know. If it was your blood, you’d be laying in it trying not to die.”
She slid the rifle off her shoulder, leaned it against the wall, knelt down, and grabbed a rag.
It worked! Such power…. I must remember not to use it for evil.
Thank you!
what yala said
THANK YOU!!
yea!!
Aw man! Now I feel guilty for sending a *small* gift. I guess next time I’ll just send the twenty. Le Sigh.
(hands up in surrender) I just come for the free snippets and POVs (looks at crazy people) honest
“Do not joke about a legal separation from Gordon or people will send you panicky emails asking if that means the series is canceled.”
LOL talk about priorities!!
hmm, now what to write. Nothing reassuring, eh? Then just:
Thanks for a good laugh!
LOL!
Forget Gordon, what about the books?!?
Poor Gordon.
You are hilarious!! People need to step away from the keyboard and the post office lol. Hey thanks for the snippit, we love snippits.
Everyone needs to meet online, have a drink, calm down and enjoy life
If we step away from the keyboard and stop making runs to the post office then we actually have to work on OUR own stuff. Ack.
That’s true. I’m grateful I’m the boss because I would fire someone like me. lol
Hahahaha! Love it! After not sending reassuring emails or free gifts (yep, pure stingyness
) I suddenly feel an urge to post $20. (just kidding!) … However, if you felt like posting the next installment of Alpha Menz, I’d be eternally grateful! (yes, sigh, I’ve been checking for new posts everytime I log on … how sad! 
)
HA
I think I sense some frustration there.
Mmmhh maybe a basket with some yarn and relaxing tea, what was the address again?
I haven’t sent anything, but that’s because a. I’m broke and b. I don’t know of anything worthy of you.
Well, Ilona, I was thinking about sending you tea since I’m a tea lover too. However, I shall hold off until after at least the next Kate book. But I wasn’t going to send you a worried email this a.m., and will do it now. I was going to commiserate on the difficulties with writing. I’m not a creative writer, but each month I prepare a number of reports for my boss and management. Clarity is extremely important, so when I find a phrase I like that expresses the thought I’m trying to convey, I want to keep using it! You are telling fabulous stories and it must also be hard when you have found a great phrase to explain to the reader a point you are trying to make. I’m not surprised that there are some similar statements and really don’t care. You are taking care of your readers while telling a great story and that’s pretty wonderful.
I hope this wasn’t reassuring…
“Do not joke about a legal separation from Gordon or people will send you panicky emails asking if that means the series is canceled.”
HA! “Gee, Ilona, I’m sorry you guys are having such a tough time…” No. Instead, “But how will this affect ~me~?” *shakes head*
I understand the urge to give you guys something back for the wonderful stories you give us, but I assumed purchasing and spreading the word was good enough. I guess not. O_o
For those who might wish to give you more, perhaps suggesting a charity or non-profit (specifically posted on the site as an official way of giving) and having donations made in your name could resolve some of the overzealous well-wisher situations?
My random comment…
It’s pretty amazing how many lives people can touch. You all write books that we love so we find your website and become addicted to the snippets and comments. Then start to feel like we know you and your family and become even more invested.
So people send delicious and thoughtful treats to thank you for creating that sense of community and fun and to show you that we are all out here reading and caring.
It’s pretty amazing.
It is! But I hate to have anyone go through expense for my sake. I would rather get a card than a gift
Now you’ve opened the floodgates. I can see it now…piles and piles of sympathy cards, birthday cards, just because cards, cards from the cat, cards from the dog……
Cards for the dogs, the girls, for Lord Panda and even the work-in-progress. Oy. Where will it all end?
ROFLOL!!! When I read in your last blog, “please don’t send me reassuring emails” I actually started about 8 comments, and had to delete every one of them because they were all reassuring. So glad I deleted them! I think the idea about the charity contributions is a great one. I think the $20 one is also good. Never out of style or any worry about poison. Why would someone send anyone food in this day and age?
re food: I agree re home made food from someone you’ve never met, but direct from the source e.g. Teavana, Popcorn Factory, is a different story. (Not that I’m planning on sending anyone, absolutely anyone, food or anything…LOL) I also like the charity idea.
Because we have much nicer chocolate here in Europe *G*
*snicker snort*
It looks like there is absolutely no safe topic. Aye Carumba, Batman! And I have to say, it’s an interesting problem to have.
:pat pat It’ll be okay (I suck at reassuring)
I gotta say, I loved the story about how Gordon took pity on your poor, hapless Del and let her snuggle with him. Warms the heart, well, made me laugh really, but there ya go.
lmao that really cracks me up, people can be so silly!
LOL. I love your ‘rules’. Hahaha, ROFL especially at #9.
Thanks for the tiny snippet. ^^
Hahaha this was fabulous! I’m sensing you need a tea cozy…
In all seriousness, Ilona & Gordon thank you for the snippets, than you for the Curran PoVs and thanks, thanks, thanks for the blog and forums!! I only wish I could hang out in the forums more but I’m still glad they’re there.
It’s awesome reading the blog (and forums) and waiting for the next books to come out in a healthy I’m-not-really-that-obsessed (I hope) sort of way and it builds suspense in a fun “how will I survive until Mar-WHAT??-MAY??” (*we collectively die*) sort of way.
hmm…tea cozy… Just kidding! B)
Muahahaha! Love it! (& thanks for the Kate snippets):)
I totally missed the part about not wanting reassurance. Let me fix that right now, I wouldn’t want you or Gordon to get some big giant heads or anything geesh.
So I’ll just say that I love books, especially well written, well thought out worlds, and awesome kick ass people.
Oh, and thanks for the Snippets, you know it’s really why we come to the blog. In hopes of tiny crumbs from your next Kate adventures
I would send you something, but, I just think it’s weird. Nice, sure, but weird. I don’t even know you
So Rock on Sister. or should I say… Write on?
well rules are meant to be broken.lol.
Hahahaha funniest thing I’ve read all week!! I’ll help Vinity take care of all the stuff….
Great snippet thank you!
I must admit that I do have an urge to send you some tea, yarn and marzipan. LOL. Your rules crack me up.
xx
i sent chocolate and marzipan. and wafers. and more chocolate.
i shorten it to needy nutters! needy nutters who love your books! lol
So if I sent anything but $20 you wouldn’t close down the blog, right?
But seriously, I understand the desire to show appreciation above and beyond just buying a book, because I share it too. As long as one doesn’t get too stalkerish about it, that is.
Fans are always extremely crazy. It’s a good thing!