Kid 2 to Del, the Doberman Hellbeast: Are you eyeballing me, tough guy? Do you want me to take an interest in you?
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Watching DEAD SNOW, a Norwegian horror film about medical students attacked by a group of Nazi WWII zombies.
Me: Will you protect me from Nazi zombies?
Gordon: I don’t know. I might just have to throw you to the zombies.
Me: Really?
Gordon: Yep. ‘Here look, she has a giant brain! And she’s Russian!’ Oh they’ll love you.
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Kid 1, riding in the back of the car with Luka, who drools and loves her to death. Kid 1 hates drool and has recently been accused of not reading enough to enrich her vocabulary: Luka! Go sit over there! Get away from me! Don’t you do it! Don’t you wipe your drool on my book bag! Luka!! You revolting, disgusting, sickening, stinking, foul dog! These are brand-new stockings!
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Me: Maybe we shouldn’t wreck the pool.
Gordon: What’s your problem with the pool?
Me: It will cost $1,300 to wreck it.
Gordon: Damn it, devil woman, you get everything, the new carpet, the new paint, I get the @#$% pool wrecked.
Jennifer, the Realtor: Okay, I am going to go now…
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Me, stumbling out into the living room at a little before six am: I got it.
Gordon, pouring us two cups of coffee: Mmm?
Me: She whispers the locks open.
Gordon, considering: Yes, that will work.
Your home life is so… (thinking long and hard for a word)…rich. Amazingly rich. I can only imagine the stories the realtor will be telling her buds. Other than a spirited debate about how demons can infiltrate the mayor’s office in Atlanta, our conversations are darned dull. Thanks for sharing. I mean it.
What is it with men and destroying things?
Give them something to destroy and they’ll turn five years old in a blink of the eye!
It’s absolutely fantastic!
my favourite type of dialogue to have around the house 
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I will be rolling on this for a few days. Jana is right, rich is a good word for your home life. What with writing, family, moving…it’s nice to be chuckle and offer support from the sidelines.
Good morning! Loved your family quotes. Thanks so much for sharing your quotes and giving me the chance to be aware of funny moments in my life. Sadly, insurance never gets as fun as door whispering, but we do what we can….
“Gordon: Damn it, devil woman, you get everything, the new carpet, the new paint, I get the @#$% pool wrecked.”
^ That is made of awesome.
I got a good laugh from the last quote…My husband and I routinely pick up on conversations or ideas from days before, out of no where. Intimacy is good. Also, I second Jana’s appreciation- thanks for sharing your family with us. It’s a good one.
Look here, the deck is in very bad shape. Keeping it is in this case counter-intuitive to selling. If you allow me to remove the eyesore that is the deck and the small nasty swamp that resides therein I believe it will make the yard look larger and add to the perceived value of the house. That and I get to tear sh**t up!
I vote for tearing sh**t up. It’s very emotionally satisfying. It’s something that the spouse and I totally agree on. Crowbars truly rock.
My four sons completely agree with you! (We have destruction days in the backyard just for that tearing sh**t up fix!)
The Panda Faux-Lord has a point… Russian smart brains are tasty.
Love the comments! Reminds me when we saw “Death Becomes Her” (90′s film with Bruce Willis, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn) and one of my friends asked her boyfriend, “Will you love me forever?” and he replied, “No, but I will paint your ass”
Keep up those positive vibes!!
You have a great family. *g*
Sadly, its not that I don’t remember having witty/funny conversations with my family, its that I just can’t remember the actual conversation…o_O… ditto, with friends, unless it goes up on facebook and I happen to see them again…
well, thank you for sharing some of your funny family moments…. have fun wrecking that pool…:)
OMG. So so funny. Particularly kid v. hellbeast.
I feel like perfectly uncreepy fly on the wall.
Zombies….. who runs faster. The slow person should take one for the team
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Loving the conversations. Whoever said kid 1 needs to enrich her vocabulary obviously hasnt seen her being drooled on by Luka!
would like to point out that you can sell junked aluminum to a scrap yard and make up some of the 1300 to tear it down. And speaking of, why does it cost that? I would think…..it’s a recipricating saw, a power drill and a few beers….unless you’re hiring it done. To which, I would think a lot more fun to rip the snot out of it yourself. We’re attacking the deck this week as well….I will purge angst soon with a power drill, air wratchet and circular saw. mwahahahaaaa….
I wanna spend a day at your house just observing lol.
“she whispers the locks open” woke me from my Pad Thai lunch carb coma. Brain kicked in..fascinating!
I echo Jana “rich homelife” ::laughing:: and I am amazed you remember them, the other day my kid1 said something that totally cracked me up and I thought, I’ve got to call my sis and tell her, she’ll get a kick out of that and a few hours later I’m talking to sis and saying I know Christi said something hilarious today that I’m supposed to tell you and ummmm I don’t remember o-0 ::sigh:: I am also loving that kid1 calls them stockings – is that a southern thing or a Russian thing?
Kids 1 and 2 have an amazing vocabulary, compared to what I hear from my pupils. However, I teach at a boys’ only school.
lol devil woman, I loved that. My husband is always saying I’m evil.
BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA OMG I love you guys. We have many bizarre conversations at our house too. Angry Teen said last week when venting about some guy in one of his classes: “Everytime I see him I throw up in my mind”. I swear I HAVE to use that in a book. We have two teens, a 10 year old, and three cats in one freaking house. Every day is odd. This week I have some kind of virus that has plugged up my ears so I’m like a 90 year old woman going around the house “Were you talking to me? Did you say something? What? ” Yeah, it’s been fun.
Particularly like the devil woman comment. (rubs hands together)
You watched Dead Snow on Netflix didn’t you? I was flipping through movies on the site and that particular movie popped up. I was asking myself where have I heard the words “Nazi” and “zombies” together in the same sentence? As far as Gordon throwing you in the Nazi zombies path, I think that plan would backfire. From what I understand of the animosity Nazis had towards the Russians, they might attack Gordon for insulting their racist warped taste buds.
awesome-ness.