Phhhhttthhh

phhhhttthhh

Lilian, on Facebook: But more importantly, why isn’t it the 25th yet?!?!?!? :-)

Gordon:  cause it aint yet. We’ve got to get all gussied up for the signing. If we had it today we would scare away the fans. Plus Ilona is not completely nuts yet, so it can’t be release week.

I am not nuts.  I’ve been so good.  I haven’t been trawling for reviews, I haven’t gotten into any debates, except for Kindle thing, and I dropped that because nobody is listening to anything I have to say, I haven’t had any weird panicky moments of total fail.

I get no credit.

From Harriet Klausner review:

Kate Daniels pays her lost bet to the Beast Lord Curran with a meal she prepares. However, when he fails to collect, Kate becomes outraged by his affront and humiliated as she wanted to see him. Fuming, she declares war on Curran; leading to not talking, emailing or twittering one another.

While the review is very flattering, I’m a little puzzled by the twittering comment.  This has stayed with me for a few days, so I present to you the What-If Kate Daniels Twitter.

Jim: 15 minutes to Pack/People meeting.

Kate: I’ll be late.

Jim: Why?

Kate: I’ve got to do something.

a minute later

Curran: What do you mean you’ll be late?  Where r you?

Kate: I’ll be right there, just start without me.

Curran: The meeting’s been set over a month in advance.  Where r you?

Kate: I said, I’ll be right there.

Curran: Where. Are. You?

Kate: Don’t take that tone of voice with me, I don’t appreciate it.

Curran: Would you just tell me where you are?

Kate: Corner of manticore and white.

Curran: Half an hour away.  Why am I not surprised.  What are you doing there?

Kate: I’ve got to do something.  I don’t appreciate being interrogated.

Jim: There is a giant armored octopus on the corner of manticore and white.

Curran: What?

Jim: It’s on TV.

Kate, PM to Jim: I kil u.

Jim, PM to Kate: Payback.

Curran: I can see you on the news.  Kate, answer your phone.

Curran: Answer your phone, damn it.

Curran, PM to Kate: Don’t even think about it.

Kate, PM to Curran: I’ll bring sushi to meeting.  Love u, bye.

Jim: I think she just dropped her I-phone.

Curran, PM to Kate: God fucking damn it.

Jim: That was a nice cut on his tentacle.  Should I hold the meeting?

Curran: No, start without me.  I’ll be right back.

240 Comments

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  1. Marzie
    Marzie May 5, 2010 at 8:50 am . Reply

    LMAO!!!!! I just adore you guys.

  2. Patterson1219
    Patterson1219 May 5, 2010 at 9:34 am . Reply

    … I keep coming back to read it again! ROFL XD

  3. Kelly
    Kelly May 5, 2010 at 12:32 pm . Reply

    LOVE the tweets. Freakin’ hilarious.

  4. Anne
    Anne May 5, 2010 at 1:10 pm . Reply

    Brilliant! I loved it. Thank you!

  5. Kari
    Kari May 5, 2010 at 3:17 pm . Reply

    LMAO! This was so amazingly funny….really can’t wait ’till the 25th!

  6. Kate Balston
    Kate Balston May 5, 2010 at 3:48 pm . Reply

    That was awesome!

  7. LuigiGirlNZ
    LuigiGirlNZ May 5, 2010 at 6:19 pm . Reply

    Brilliant! Loved, Loved, Loved it :D :D :D

  8. Moonsanity (Brenda H.)
    Moonsanity (Brenda H.) May 5, 2010 at 9:17 pm . Reply

    OMG I needed that laugh so much. I’ve been so fricking stressed lately. Thank you. You guys are awesome. By the way, I am not preordering a copy. I will find a way to get to a bookstore. When I preorder books they NEVER get here on time and take fricking forever, then I have to listen to everyone else talk about how great they are. Living out in the boonies sucks.

  9. fishgill
    fishgill May 5, 2010 at 11:39 pm . Reply

    soo funny. now I’m sad cause i want a big ol hunky lion to get pissy with me….phhhhttthhh real life is so second rate after i read this blog

  10. sacha
    sacha May 6, 2010 at 6:48 am . Reply

    The book review referred to in this post can be read at the following address:
    http://genregoroundreviews.blogspot.com/2010/04/magic-bleeds-ilona-andrews.html

    I also saw very very suspicious links where I could (???) download Magic Bleeds:
    (site url edited by me – Ilona)
    Isn’t it illegal?

  11. Nellie B.
    Nellie B. May 6, 2010 at 11:10 am . Reply

    BWAHAHA *snerks OJ out nose* owie.

  12. Shaya
    Shaya May 6, 2010 at 8:10 pm . Reply

    LMAO! That’s awesome. Just awesome. :-) I just want to be a fly on the wall for these conversations… with my own mute button cause I’m laughing so hard!

  13. Kully May
    Kully May May 8, 2010 at 9:57 am . Reply

    LOL, that was amazing!! You guys are the best and this is why I love your books! :D

  14. [...] Ilona Andrews has received an interesting review for Magic Bleeds and it inspires an interesting Twitter conversation between Kate, Curran and Jim.  Seriously, go read it…it’s a [...]

  15. Jeannie Smith
    Jeannie Smith May 10, 2010 at 2:05 pm . Reply

    I can’t wait for Magic Bleeds to come out. If I can’t go to the bookstore or some place to get it that day I will send my family out for me… I am counting down the days till the 25th. Only 15 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. keziah
    keziah May 13, 2010 at 4:41 pm . Reply

    OMG!!! are you serious. that was freeking funny, it’s unbelievable. Are you guys commidians or something. that does it . THE KATE DANIELS SERIES ARE the best novels EVER!!

  17. Rochelle
    Rochelle May 23, 2010 at 5:18 am . Reply

    That was funny as hel!! 0_o

  18. marlowe
    marlowe May 26, 2010 at 5:18 pm . Reply

    Very Very good!

    Hey look, Ilona writes her own fanfic.

  19. Jessica
    Jessica September 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm . Reply

    That was too funny! Reading that made my day. I love the books and can just imagine that conversation.

  20. Gina
    Gina October 19, 2010 at 11:52 am . Reply

    Read the Twitter II before this one. These are absolutely brilliant! Please post more!!!

  21. Sarah
    Sarah December 10, 2010 at 10:08 pm . Reply

    I’ve seen a number of Harriet Klausner reviews, some of which made me wonder if she had actually finished the book. I’m not sure if Facebook, Twitter, etc. or similar social media websites even exist in the world you’ve created. I don’t remember anything like that being mentioned, but that could just be because Kate doesn’t use that kind of stuff, if it does exist. Or that Kate doesn’t deem it necessary to mention it if she does use it.

    Love ALL the snippets I read. I don’t always like it when things are taken out so that they’re not spoiler-y, but I understand why it’s done and I appreciate it for those who hate spoilers xD. Thanks for another one (yes I know this is a belated post, but I still wanted to make it).

  22. Jill
    Jill December 13, 2010 at 3:20 pm . Reply

    When you have a good laugh on Monday you know it will be a good week.

  23. Emily
    Emily December 14, 2010 at 12:50 am . Reply

    I absolutely love how Kate flies in the face of pretty much everything that Curran asks of her! Tension! I love it!! I also love how Curran never gives up. Wish there were more guys like that. Two such strong characters in love with each other makes for fantastic reading!

  24. Audrey
    Audrey December 15, 2010 at 12:08 pm . Reply

    Okay, 7 months later than anybody else, but I just HAVE to comment on this one.
    I have been following the blog/site (or whatever it is) for about a year, and at least once a week I find something new and hilarious.
    Thank you so much for this “What if”.
    I was laughing so hard, my face hurts.

  25. marnie
    marnie December 15, 2010 at 12:41 pm . Reply

    This is way too funny! I just found your books this summer and your blog the other day, but this is great! I don’t get the impression that twittering would be in their world, but I can so see them interacting this way. I was barely able to not laugh out loud at work.

  26. the_wiggle
    the_wiggle December 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm . Reply

    loooved this! just what i needed today – thank you so much :)

  27. Lizzy
    Lizzy December 17, 2010 at 3:15 pm . Reply

    Whoaaaaa! You could make a collection of Twittering scenes, I´ll certainly buy that book too. Both parts have been very hilarious. Loved it, as always. Thank you.

  28. jelena
    jelena December 19, 2010 at 2:02 pm . Reply

    that was hilarous :)

  29. Teena
    Teena December 19, 2010 at 10:15 pm . Reply

    LMAO!!!!! Love it.

  30. Moriah
    Moriah December 27, 2010 at 5:48 am . Reply

    that was great! lmao!!
    love it, can’t wait for Magic Slays.

  31. Mona
    Mona December 29, 2010 at 1:56 pm . Reply

    How have I missed this part of the website! Very funny and very much Kate and Curran. I love this series and I’m very excited to see the many future books yet to come. I just went back and re-read the whole series over Christmas!

  32. qu3en8
    qu3en8 January 23, 2011 at 11:22 pm . Reply

    Hilarious the tweets are hysterically funny, I love how you guys never fail to make my day with all these extras

  33. Mudepoz
    Mudepoz January 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm . Reply

    I need to get my eyes checked again. I could have sworn I read TESTICLE instead of tentacle. Still laughing.

  34. L.blanchard
    L.blanchard February 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm . Reply

    I can’t get enough. Periodically when I need a laugh. I come back.
    I know there is one more, but please…could we get more of these?
    My favorite part
    Kate PM to Jim: I kil u
    Jim PM to Kate: Payback

  35. Jilrene
    Jilrene February 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm . Reply

    Excellent! Love the what if tweets as much as the Curran POV. Thank you!!

  36. Amanda
    Amanda February 10, 2011 at 11:04 am . Reply

    HILarious!!! I just love when Kate and Curran get into arguments.

  37. LaToya
    LaToya February 13, 2011 at 10:43 am . Reply

    Hilar!!! So funny! I am sitting here LMAO and my husband is cutting me glances. Hilar!

  38. Seysei
    Seysei February 18, 2011 at 12:08 pm . Reply

    That was so funny!:) Can’t wait for the next book!

  39. Louise
    Louise February 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm . Reply

    Okay, I seriously LOL’d there! Is it May yet?????? Must have Magic Slays…

  40. Bookworm Reads
    Bookworm Reads March 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm . Reply

    “Harriet Klausner” I doubt is a real person. “She” posts reviews on many, many books; all read like the book jacket and many have questioned her as to if she read the book at all.

    It’s someone looking for points on Amazon and has no clue. Look at the profile.
    Bookworm Reads recently posted..Blue Diablo Ann Aguirre

  41. Natasha McNeely
    Natasha McNeely March 17, 2011 at 8:28 am . Reply

    This is absolutely brilliant! A little random on the side of the reviewer, but the result got me to laugh. It’s amazing how the smallest thing can spur something.
    Natasha McNeely recently posted..Creating the World

  42. nanners
    nanners March 28, 2011 at 11:31 am . Reply

    LOL Thanks! That was too funny!

  43. Hah!
    Hah! March 31, 2011 at 12:56 am . Reply

    Holy shiznits. I laughed so hard I started coughing. Brilliant. So bloody brilliant. More tweets please?

  44. Lynsey
    Lynsey April 1, 2011 at 1:07 am . Reply

    Hi,

    Your books are ridiculously awesome. You are not permitted to stop writing them. Ever. Just so we are clear.

  45. evening-green
    evening-green April 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm . Reply

    omg I just saw this now, it’s awesome! (^ω^)

  46. Melody
    Melody July 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm . Reply

    I’m suffering some slight Kate/Curran withdrawals so I’m greedily snatching up these fun tidbits on your site hehehe.

    And after reading Magic Slays, Twitter Part II makes so much more sense! XD

    Who needs crunches when you have these hilarious tweets to help build abs? ;]

  47. ir_is
    ir_is July 30, 2011 at 9:10 pm . Reply

    totally funny i can actually see it.
    liked lots.

  48. Cath
    Cath August 10, 2011 at 12:53 am . Reply

    ”Kate, PM to Curran: I’ll bring sushi to meeting. Love u, bye.”

    Brilliant!! PMSL!!

  49. Joanna
    Joanna August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm . Reply

    LOVE IT!!

  50. Nadine
    Nadine September 23, 2011 at 4:22 am . Reply

    I super love their relationship :>

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