V. writes
Will you ever write a traditional pretty boy vampire?
Traditional as in Bram Stoker traditional, or Anne Rice traditional, or Stephanie Meyer traditional?
Ehhh….
Fine, this once just for you. Since there is a boy in there, I suppose I have to go with a YA theme.
A faint flutter brushed against the back of my neck. The cat ward tattooed on my left shoulderblade stirred, prickling me with his claws. I raised my head from my locker. A boy was looking at me from across the hallway. Tall, blond, with eyes that were the purest unnatural shade of aquamarine.
He saw me looking and smiled. The smile lit up his face, warming his eyes, turning him impossibly beautiful. A subtle aroma floated on the draft, a mix of sandalwood and something slightly sweet. The cat on my shoulder stretched and rose, just in case.
The aroma tugged on me, enticing, spiced with magic. A vampire. Of course.
The boy headed in my direction, moving like a tiger on the prowl: graceful, elegant, and ready to pounce. He looked like he needed one of those tailored Tudor doublet things and a rapier. That’s one of the things vampires were good at – they made it seem they were miles better than you so when they stooped to your level, you were supposed to feel special.
I stuffed my Trig textbook into my backpack and pushed the locker shut.
“Hi! I’m Sebastian.”
Of course you are. They never had normal names like James or Robert. I had to say something. “Hi.”
He stepped a a few inches too close. “I haven’t seen you before. Are you new?”
Vampires were like cats: new meant exciting. “Maybe you just didn’t notice me.”
He cranked the smile up another notch. Miranda’s cheesy books go on and on about how the vampire skin is like polished white marble. They’re off by a mile. Marble is cold and monotone. Sebastian radiated warmth. He was vivid, as if everyone in the room was in black and white and he was the only one in color. He made you think of sex. Of what it would be like.
His voice caressed my skin. “I would’ve noticed you.”
I needed to giggle. If I giggled, he’d write me off as an easy target and probably move on. Problem was, I’ve never giggled in my entire life.
“You never told me your name…”
One giggle. I could do it. I had to do it or he wouldn’t leave me alone.
No. Not happening.
To the left Jessica turned the corner and saw us. She froze for a second, gulped, and headed toward us with a determined look on her face. “Hey!”
A faint hint of a grimace passed over Sebastien’s face.
“I’ve been looking all over for you. We’re going home together. Now.”
“We were talking,” Sebastien said.
“That’s nice, but she doesn’t need to be talking to you. Leave her alone, it’s her first day. Come on, Maud, we’re leaving.”
A burst of magic shot from Sebastien. Jessica stopped in mid-step.
“You don’t need to go home with Maud,” he said, his whisper saturated with force of suggestion.
“You’re right,” Jessica said. Her eyes went vacant.
“Maud is walking home with me. You’re leaving.”
“I’ve got to go,” Jessica said. “Bye, Maud.”
Obi Wan did it much better. “Bye.”
She walked away. I swung my backpack onto my shoulder and followed her. Sebastien matched my stride.
“Maud…” Poof, burst of magic. Overkill.
“What a beautiful name…” Poof, another burst.
The air was so thick with his magic, I wanted to wave my hand in front of my face.
“It’s such a nice day.” Poof! “Let me walk you home.”
I sneezed.
“You’re adorable,” he said.
You really shouldn’t have said that. Really. “No.”
“Yes,” he murmured, opening the door for me. I stepped through into the sunshine. “You want to walk with me.”
“No, I really don’t. You’re an idiot. And a pervert.”
Sebastien blinked.
“Don’t charm Jessica again. I like her.”
The smooth mask slid off his face. For a second his eyes looked predatory, his lips trembled, baring his fangs, and then he hid it again. “That sounded like a threat.”
“You know what’s the fastest way to kill you, Sebastien? It isn’t by staking you or setting you on fire. The fastest way is to reach inside a vampire and rip his soul from his body.”
He sneered. “And you can do that?”
“No, I can’t. But my brother can. That’s his car over there.” I nodded at the dark Land Rover. “The sad thing for you is that if you piss me off enough, I won’t even need my brother to deal with you. ”
I walked away, heading to the Land Rover. Now Claude will spend the entire ride to the Inn interrogating me about talking to vampires. Maybe I should rethink this whole highschool thing.
Not to be greedy by maybe you could try also writing a short short story with the current obsession… angels if you are really against the idea of writing more pretty boy vampires
Well, actually, you could write anything in any language and I would read it.
oops it should be not to be greedy BUT maybe…
Love it – I will read whatever you give me and love it
thanks for another tidbit while waiting for Bayou Moon
Why is this not in print already! I know I’d buy it based on that excerpt alone.
A+ and then some.
That was pretty awesome! Thanks!
So you’ve really not considered writing YA? Damn. This is a great intro to a whole new world. It makes me want to read more.
I beg you to not be wholly against the idea of this for a book or short story. Please?
Oh boy, that was fun. Thanks!
May we have some moremoremore?
Maybe if you have a bit of free (ha ha) time one day you could finish it and put it up on Smashwords or something? I’d buy it in a shot.
Clearly the verdict amongst your readers is that the concept is cool and that the young adult voice works. And as we all know, we’re never wrong (wink).
Just one question: where do you find the time to be so amazing?
I second this
i second, second this (if that makes sense). You guys are awesome writes and i strongly recommend you both to start writing a YA. i think that if you do, you will never leave the bestseller lists. People are in love with vampires and what you just wrote is proof that if you did decided to make a novel out of this it would attract more attention. you guys are so, so talented and its a shame the whole world isnt aware of your writing- scratch that- even if the whole universe was awer of your writing it wouldne be enough, they dont know what their missing out on.
Try and see how it goes, Please?
xoxo nas.
The difference here is the unique twist, the decision to go in an entirely different direction than most vamp novels, especially YA. And right now that’s what YA readers are screaming for: unique. And let’s face it, Ilona and Gordon always come at things with a different twist which is why their stories rock.
I’m dying to know what Maud would do to take care of a vampire.
Wow, off the top of your head, huh? You rock. By the way my grandma’s name was Maudie Mae:)
OMG — that is soooo good. I want to read the rest of it!
Love it, I needed a laugh and what better way than to laugh at those silly vampires! Thanks!
Excellent!! This is going into a book, right? Soon?
Ilona you are the best! This was so much fun and I laughed so hard!
As always, you manage to create tremendous interest so quickly.
If you feel like writing more in this world I’ll happily read it!
Thanks for sharing.
Is it sad that, despite the fact that I’m completely over the pretty vampires, I’d read this story/book/whatever in a second? I feel like I’m betraying myself by loving this /wrists
LOL! That was awesome!!!!!!!! Take that Twilight!
You can’t just leave it there!!!! MORE PLEASE!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!
Not to be greedy? o.O
I’m going to be greedy.
You realize this means you now need to expand on that?
Wow. I love it! Funny that this little excerpt is loads and miles better than the entire Twilight book. Just saying..
I love it!!! I agree with the others, pls. pls. pls. don’t leave it to just there!!!
Absolutely amazing! I can’t believe I’m already hooked after that tiny snippet….
If your schedule ever lightens up, I sincerely hope this idea gets expanded in the future
Thanks for making my crummy night a million times better!
Ha ha, so awesome! I agree with Michelle’s comment: “Take that Twilight!”
Excellent snippet! I would so buy this book! THANKS SO MUCH!!!
ohhh, that was interesting!!! thanks! If you ever have time to post more of this, I would be very grateful
You had me at “Poof” and, “No, I really don’t. You’re an idiot. And a pervert.”
You Rock!
You are A.maz.ing! Such a cool bit and in the middle of all the other stories you’ve got going on right now. Thank you for treating us to this.
A book, a book, a new series!!!!
Yay, you can do it!!!
You killed it! Knocked it out of the park! Pretty boy vampire being shot down hard is just too awesome. I’m burnt out on vamps, particularly YA vamps, but I’d so read that!
Liked your take on YA vampires. Personally I’ve never seen the attraction of someone who thinks of you as food.
What the?! You sound like you just threw this together, like it was just floating there and you grabbed it and put it down, without even thinking about it. I cannot tell you how bored to death I am with all this vampire conundrum, It all seems done before, drab, old hat, in much need of a face lift. but this—this makes me giddy once again. How cool would that be a YA book from you guys! much loveliness and thank you!—-erm any chance this tid bit will take wing and fly???
Oh my!
It’s great, I loved it 
It’s like Kate only for YA – all the better for YA 
As someone who’s currently struggling with translation of a much less attractive YA book I’m feeling jealous
*that thing about the other book being unattractive is just a matter of my personal preference – I’m sure there are lots of people that love it, it’s just not my cup of tea and I can’t help wishing for your book instead*
[...] Ilona put up an awesomely funny, off-the-top-of-her-head pretty-boy vampire YA snippet yesterday at her blog. You can find it here. [...]
Oh la! That was entertaining.
It fascinates me the way you can just whip out a story that has us all interested in a few short paragraphs but NO more pretty vampires. AAARGH! I understand how and why the YA genre is growing but that usually means waiting longer for a fav author to write a book from their adult series in between the YA books they are writing.
You are such a tease! WHAT does Maude do that can kill vampires?????
That was brilliant! I would love more! Thank you!
I think everyone has said what I was going to say!
This is great and this is the kind of voice we need in YA. Can we haz more?
Um, I love this. “No, I really don’t. You’re an idiot. And a pervert.” had me snickering out loud.
You know that thing I said the other day about how you should take it easy, have some more “me” time without working, all that crap?
Yeah. Ignore it. What you really should be doing in your “spare” time is writing more of THIS!
Ooooooo….idea!
I know Jeaniene’s schedule is just as crazy as Ilona’s but you two could team up and put a book together with two YA short stories! I would fly off the shelves into our greedy little hands.
That was so much fun to read! Seems almost like a younger, less violent version of Kate- maybe this is what she would’ve been like if she had grown up like us?
I’m not into pretty vampires. As a matter of fact I read 5 lines of Meyer first book and couldn’t continue torturing myself. I also saw the first film and spent the hour laughing with my best friend over it, the couples watching it (girls drooling ; boys suffering) and one of my friends who was terrified by it (yes really). It’s only saving grace was MUSE (even if I don’t know a thing about Base-Ball).
I read Anne Rice books when I was 13 and just love the Blade Series (yeaaaaah bloody Wesley).
And strangely (or not since I just love whatever you write) I just loved it and can’t help but beg for you to expand on this world…
Loved it! I love the snarkiness of Maude, too.
You should make this into a YA series! Love it! More please!
Do I smell a YA book in the making? I love this. Yay, Ilona
[...] 3) Ilona Andrews hilariously responds to a request for a pretty boy vampire story [...]
Now, you’ve done it! You went and opened up that can (or coffin?) of worms!
Well… like everyone else…. I’d definitely read more about Claude and Maud.
This could be a fun new game. Think Whose Line is it Anyway… where the comedians are given a setting, a prop, etc… and they have to improv something.
For your next feat try to incorporate the following: Space + djinn + the words kiwi &/or hippopotamus … maybe not.
Thanks for your version of the Pretty Boy Vampire —- Cheers!
10,000 bonus points for incorporating all four words!
BTW, I enjoyed Pretty Boy Vampire too. Love that the vamp magic made Maude sneeze!
OK, you’ve done it again. Now your fans are hooked on something both funny and unique. Get to writing!
wait…. you just made that up? inconceivable! i would like totally want to read more ! i like Maud’s sassy attitude. i’ve read YA books before but never had a small piece of a book made me want to read it like NOW! if you made i would sooo read it
I am on the bandwagon with loving the start to this story and I’d love to read the rest BUT… not if it takes longer for Kate or Alpha Menz to come out.
Also, I REALLY want you to keep writing and not burn out.
Thanks for the snippet and a great start to my day!
OMG! I couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. Could you write this into a book. I would love to see what Sebastian does next. That was great, what is up with the cat tattoo on her shoulder and Maud? Nothing wrong with that my grandmothers name was Maudie but it’s just so I don’t know normal?
You do realize you left us laughing but with more questions than answers. But, don’t feel bad there is no such thing as traditional in the paranormal world. As far as I’m concerned that’s whats so great about it.