Gordon, using parental voice: Why were you absent from 4th again?
Kid 2: I was talking to a teacher and they marked me absent… ::insert long and very convincing explanation about being late and picking up extra work::
Kid 1, yelling from upstairs: Tell the truth.
Kid 2: I hate you, Kid 1.
Gordon and me, engaging parental glare.
Kid 2: I skipped.
Gordon and I: Blah-blah-blah! Grounded, blah-blah-blah!
It’s eight years ago and we get a note from the Kid’2 second grade teacher. Kid 2 hasn’t been turning in her homework. We’re not fans of the teacher. The teacher paddles students and is mean.
We go in and meet this nice older lady and her assistant. Both women look at us as if we are serial killers. Kid 2 is hiding in her cubby. (Yes, in her cubby. They had large cubbies and she crawled into it.)
Teacher: Kid 2 says that you won’t let her complete her homework.
Me and Gordon: What?
Teacher: She says that when she comes home, she is sent directly into her room without food and locked in there with the lights off.
Teacher’s Aid: We’ve been letting her have snacks in class, because she is very hungry…
Gordon: Aha. Did you really paddle Jeremy so hard he couldn’t sit down?
Teacher: I’ve never paddled anyone in my life. That’s barbaric!
Me: And I suppose you never forbade them to go to the bathroom so children wet themselves in class either?
Kid 2 in her cubby: Waaaaaaaaaah!
Some things just don’t change.