I am a ball on anxiety this morning, and I think that my irrational fears are spiraling out of control because of the kitchen. It looks like Allstate will give us about 11K to repaint, put down a new floor, and replace the bottom cabinets and replace the island and the counter tops… You get the picture. We will likely add some money to that, because the cabinets are numerous and old, and removing the bottom row will mean staining or replacing the top row. Unfortunately, the foyer is tiled, and that tile can’t be matched, so we will have to rip out and replace the foyer tile if we want tile in the kitchen. And after the dishwasher disaster, we want tile in the kitchen.
Our neighbor Diana, who is an awesome artist and an inspiration for one of the characters in the Innkeeper, told me I should be excited. New kitchen! It will be great!
I totally see her point. But today for some reason I want to curl into a ball and hide under the blanket. I haven’t had that much anxiety for months. I guess it’s just that time again or something.
We started back in the gym. Our personal trainer got fired and we got a new one. I can’t lift my legs. No seriously. Going up the stairs is very painful.
In other news, Gordon bought me red roses. 
Happy Valentine’s to you!
It’s gonna be alright, the new kitchen will be much better than the old one. Flowers yeah and a talking Yoda.
I hope she feels better soon! Gordon, give her a backrub, too, it IS Valentine’s Day, after all. =)
I wish you both a very happy Valentines Day! Wish I could magic away your stress
What more could a girl want??
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I have been dealing with anxiety & chronic pain since 2001. I wanted to share some things that might help. I know you guys have pets. Hang out with a dog (or a cat) and simply pet them for a while, like an hour is best. Breathing exercises are good. The thing with feeling overwhelmed, is that your mind can go in a racing spiral. So if u do lie down 2 breathe, these racing thoughts can & often will intrude. Hence the use of a mantra. I don’t get fancy. Mine is simply breathe in on the inhale and breathe out on the exhale. That way I can really make myself focus on the breathing to aid in combatting racing thoughts. Also, some times you have to mentally stop yourself from allowing yourself to go down the overwhelming thought trails. If you are a bath person go for it. Some light stretching will help overworked muscles as well as ibuphrophine. Please please please consider going for a massage. Music helps too. I hope you feel better. And yes, sometimes curling up and taking a nap is what you need to do. I also read, it takes me out of my own head for a while. Hope you feel better. xx
And weed…..weed helps. O_o WHAT?
Do I want to know what prompted that comment?
I know what you mean about the kitchen. It should be exciting, but it seems like more work.
A while back, my husband and I FINALLY finished a bathroom and 2 bedrooms in the basement of our small house. 2 weeks later, the upstairs bathroom flooded down to the downstairs bathroom and we had to cut out drywall, rip up brand new carpet, pull the kids out of the rooms we just finished, etc. Our homeowners ins paid out on the claim…but then we had to redo everything we had JUST done not too long ago. It was frustrating. It took us months to finish it up again because we didn’t want to redo something we just did.
And roses! Yay! A talking Yoda is awesome, too!
Happy Valentine’s Day.
That’s the thing about emotions: they don’t have to make sense. Hope you feel better soon!
PS. Why a talking yoda?
Clearly, Gordon already knows the secret to a happy marriage.
It will all be okay. The new kitchen will be wonderful. You will be okay, too.
Yeah, an entire kitchen remodel seems stressful. But it’ll be awesome when it’s done and your kitchen is beautiful, and I’ll be totally jealous.
Congrats on the new trainer! I’m supposed to be walking a half-marathon on Sunday, because my foot can’t handle running it. Even walking, I am so, so not prepared. This foot injury is a pain in the… um, foot.
I feel your kitchen pain. We bought a fixer upper house, without appliances and did the work ourselves (my husband loves DIY), and it was such a relief to have a working kitchen again. You will survive. It will be ok. I still think you should ask your fans to bombard HD with emails about fixing your floor. At the very least, they should cover your deductible.
Try taking a hot bath with Epsom salts, and see if that helps the muscle aches. Everything will work out. You will be able to walk again and your kitchen will be wonderful. All your fans love you. Close your eyes and sleep.
Naps are medicinal (and necessary for the survival of my family). Zen Hugs!
Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but think how the Innkeeper kitchen could morph into whatever was needed. It would also probably somehow reflect the mood of the owner too…and then I spent 20 minutes browsing Pinterest hoping someone had already created a Innkeeper Interiors Dreams idea page.
I so love that idea! Now the thought is stuck in my head and it won’t come out.
I advise you drink some tea and sniff your roses. Kitchen remodels are VERY stressful — I am sure that is why you feel off. We built a new kitchen 8 years ago and I still wake up at night dreaming about washing dishes in the bathtub for 3 months! Ick! On the upside, you’ll love the finished product! Happy day to you!
You don’t need to replace your foyer tile. You simply need to put some kind of “transition strip” between your kitchen and your foyer. We had to put in a “wood border” between our main room and foyer when we couldn’t match the woods. Some line of tile at the edge/in the doorway between your kitchen and foyer that complements but doesn’t necessarily match. Much easier than ripping up more tile and will look nice. The whole exact match thing is overrated.
It would drive me mad.
if it would drive you mad then this won’t work. We found a tile border that had colors of both in it and it went in between the two types of tile. I think it looks great but that is me
Also if you like the look of wood but want tile, there is some great tile that looks like wood planks.
I don’t know if it would still drive you nuts, but what about the idea of making the foyer and the kitchen completely different color schemes? Make it obvious it’s not supposed to match, not just less/not obvious it doesn’t match. You could think of it as changing the mood or feel from one room to the next.
I wish I could afford to pay for you to bring on a personal assistant. With the types of things you battle on top of the work you do a personal assistant would be so handy to have around. I wouldn’t appreciate the invasion of privacy myself, but I’m practically a recluse. Regardless, I hope things resolve quickly for you, and you’re once again ready to make those burdens your bi*@ches.
i’m so sorry about the upcoming unplanned kitchen But I know you will love it after all of the pain!!
And thank you, Ilona, for writing about your fitness routine. You inspired me to get up off the couch (except when I’m reading your books of course) and start an exercise program. I am feeling better overall.
Hey at least it’s being paid for! When our driveway washed out and collapsed (no way in, no way out!) insurance was like “TOUGH! DRIVEWAY NOT COVERED HAHA!”
We had to go to the bank of Mom and Dad and invest in a loan from them. It was painful. But with no sidewalks, no street parking and no way to GET to the house it would be awkward without the driveway. Totally stressy putting it in and paying for it. Homes, they blow.
n’t know if you are content with your insurance settlement, but Allstate is notorious in the business for slow and inadequate pay outs; I realize that you are stuck with them now, but you might want to find a more reputable company for future insurance needs. Good luck
!
Good on Gordon for the flowers. Relax and breathe, Babe.
Treat yourself to a massage? Good for the sore muscles and makes you feel boneless. Alternatively, take a hot bath and smoke a fatty. Brand new day…trust me.
Ditto
When our dishwasher flooded our kitchen and ruined the floors and cabinets, we found it easier to let the insurance company’s contractors fix it directly and not take the payment to hire our own. We just paid a little extra to upgrade the wood choice, and they took care of all pricing and payments directly. And when the floor was installed incorrectly and had gaps, State Farm made the vendor redo it. Three times. They eventually flew an inlay guy up from San Diego. I didn’t have to argue with the contractor or anything. SF just took care of it. And check your policy. Ours replaced all contiguous flooring up to actual doors.
True, there will be choices, drama, blood and budgets and noise . Not unlike writing. At the end you will have the kitchen you want. And you don’t have to write an Edge book this year, so you don’t have to budget any blood or drama toward that. On the noise front, may i suggest the combination of ear protectors (like you see on the flight line,shooting range or lawn care pros. Put those on OVER a set of ear buds. It lets you work in peace and quiet and you don’t have to go to a coffee shop and wear a beret.
Someday, you’ll look back at all this and go “aaargh” and then laugh. For now, smell the roses, hug the husband, hug the kids, hug the pets and slowly the stress will not be as bad as it seems. It will work out… eventually. Hang in there.
I know how you feel. We gutted the kitchen and dining room a few years back (all the way to the studs) and while it was cool! and exciting! it was also horribly stressful. My only comment on tile (and I totally understand why you want it), is that you have to re-seal the grout with some frequency, and the tiles will crack if you drop something onto them. That said, I don’t know if something like slate is the answer, as it is spendy. Obviously wood and laminate just take you back to the bad place. I can’t think of other options though.
You could paint the upper cabinets until you can replace them, if you don’t have the $$. Or replace the doors.
But in the end, it will be lovely. Just remember that.
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Not all tiles are created equal.
Somehow after 6 years none of the tiles have been cracked despite all the things dropped on them. As for the grout you can have it sealed enough that you don’t have to worry about it for tens of years. But you have to get it right the first time or, like we have to, you have to have it removed and redone.
Should have added that the contractor didn’t seal it correctly when it was originally installed. Quality control issue. =/
I suggest a lot of research and lots of questions on how to do it as good as it can be done.
We got our group done with some sort of epoxy in it – more expensive, but we don’t have to reseal it!
oh that’s cool.
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Just get lots of information on contractors. I’d say most are crooks these days. And never let them get ahead on the $ NEVER!!!!!!!! If you do you won’t ever see them again.
When we built the house, there was a communication between the site manager and the tile guys. We tiled everything. When the price came in it was roughly double what we’d been told, after it was done, of course. In the end we love the tile tho.
Good luck
I sympathize. I’m a “can this be done and over with yesterday” kind of gal. I don’t run from hard work/hard changes but I do get anxiety over it. That’s a heck of a lot of work and change. Ugh… but YAY for an end being in sight!!
And YAY for flowers!!
My hubby has a slight addiction to my chocolate no-bake cookies. So I got out my large heart-shaped cookie cutter today, made the no-bakes and spread it into the cookie cutter. Perfect!!!! I was so worried they wouldn’t hold the shape. He loved them.
Hope you’re liking your new trainer!
Chocolate? No-Bake Cookies?
I don’t suppose you’d care to share the recipe???
Might have a lookee at this here too:
http://myconcretemakeover.com/young-decorative-concrete-industry-getting-better-known/
I like a lot of it and it’s tough as …..concrete. O_o
Ooooh! Neat-o idea!
I don’t actually have it, but I’ve seen a lot of decorative concrete flooring. It is very attractive, and if you didn’t know it was concrete, you’d never guess. Still a bit pricey but well worth it for durability, looks and cleaning.
Once you start picking out stuff you’ll feel better.
About 7 years ago we had our water heater break. It flooded our hallway, kitchen and bathroom. We cleaned it up as best we could, got a new wather hearter. Next morning, flooded. Took back water hearter, got a new one. Next day, flooded. Took back water heater, guy told us that 1 in 5000 leak like that, and that is how UNlucky my husband is.
Skipping ahead, went through the whole insurance thing. Trying to save our carpet, then to having to have things repaired, and replaced. Very stressful. Then I picked out flooring, and found happyness.
Goodluck, hope you feel better soon. And not blow up home depot. Or can you write in prison?
Now, since the tile is all going, you get to choose between 12 and 18 inch. Then you get to compliment the new counters and cabinets and have it all flow together. Think of this as a wonderful opportunity.
Granite counters, Mahogany cabinets and some 18 inch tiles for me.
Have Fun and Good Luck.
When we re-did our kitchen, we put down ceramic floor tiles. They look beautiful BUT…
there is no ‘give’ in them, and they are hard on your back. Also, the grout lines are a pain in the
neck to mop. Now that I know that, I would do my floor differently. Just something to think about.
We also used those 1″ glass tiles as backsplash. Again, they are really pretty BUT…if you are doing it yourself it is very difficult to get the grout lines perfect. Then it all has to be sealed. I wish now we had used the larger glass tiles. We had to do cutting anyway; and I think it would have been prettier. With the small tiles, all you see are the grout lines.
Has Austin been cloudy lately? This February in Northern Illinois has had much less sunshine than usual. You moved to Texas for sun, but if it has been cloudy by you, that may be contributing to some of your distress.
The whole situation is beyond your control, from the dishwasher failure, repair delays and screw-ups, violation of the extended care warranty by HD, etc., culminating with the need to virtually gut your kitchen and replace the foyer floor, to the fact that you have no choice about the timing of the tear-down, is guaranteed to cause stress and anxiety. Not to mention that you have to keep writing to meet deadlines.
You can’t change most of it, and that’s part of the stress. The end result will be great, so now you have to concentrate on taking care of yourself. You are allowed to give yourself permission to nap, to soak in the tub, to get a massage, do deep breathing, whatever works for you. Xandra had some good suggestions from her experiences which sound like they are worth experimenting with if you haven’t used them before. Giving yourself permission is important, or you may start to feel guilty and that will only add to the anxiety and stress.
From everything I’ve ever heard about remodeling, make sure all components are in stock and set aside for you (the cabinets, countertops, flooring, etc.), so you aren’t held up with a really torn up kitchen because the cabinets, countertops, or flooring, haven’t come in yet.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Breaking the big things down into smaller things is important too. I’m not good at this, but I’m working on it. Lists are great, but if the list is too huge it can easily overwhelm. But if you can break down the big list into smaller components, it can be easier to deal with. The kitchen is a huge project. But breaking the project into smaller lists will make you feel more successful and in control as each thing gets crossed off. Giving yourself permission to relax is an excellent point. My parents have worked together owning a small business for over 25 years. Work always comes home and they have always had office space. You guys have the comfort of working from home, but home has a disaster in the kitchen, and so that atmosphere has been disrupted. You may be feeling an anxiety increase because you’ve been dealing with all this shit and now you’ve entered the endgame. One of the reasons I keep mentioning massage is because it will help with releasing the stress so it doesn’t build up in your body. I can also tell you that acupuncture is no joke. A good acupuncture session can leave you feeling like you just had a full body massage. Best wishes xx
As someone who is now in the seventh week of a 2-3 week kitchen reno, I totally understand your fears. Here are our major coping techniques – be sure to have a satellite kitchen set up (our wood stove was a godsend) & budget in lots of meals out. I wish you lots of luck.
Just thought of something. You’re not getting your kitchen stuff from Home Depot are you? Unless they’re giving it to you as recompense. We got our cabinets from Ikea and we like them. Only pain in the butt thing was putting them together ourselves (never again). We had 99 boxes delivered, then had to figure out what each one was by comparing numbers on boxes to the master list description. If I ever do IKEA again, I will pay someone to put them together for us.
Ah, the old, “If we fix this, we have to fix that” conundrum… hope everything goes smoothly for you!
I’ll admit tiles are beautiful. Maybe you could have a mosaic pattern accent? http://www.tileswithstyle.com/floors.htm
Yeah, I opened up a bottle of wine and I have refused to share. I think that’s the best way to end my day.
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Happy Valentine’s Day!
Sadly, when I try, the youngest tries to come under the covers and drag me out.
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We had a kitchen fire mid December two days after my father-in-law had bypass surgery. We have heard a lot of “Wow! New kitchen!” as well. But the stress, endless list of new things to fix, extra money to somehow find and dealing with insurance… My sympathies to you.
I understand the anxiety. I get the same way when I have a big project and a kitchen is big but I know you can do it. I renovated my entire kitchen, new cabinets, floors, counters, paint, electrical with a budget of $10k. Think about what you want before you start. Takes some planning but you both seem to be good at that
I agree with Sheila on the tile floor thing. Had tiles for years and was not very happy with it.
Also had problems with mopping and it´s hard on the feet and back.
When we redid our kitchen we put in Linoleum…the real stuff..not polyvinyl chloride.
It needs to get done properly and costs more than pvc but it´s nearly indestructible and very easy to clean. Another plus – it´s “selfhealing” so if you drop something pointy it won´t leave holes.
IMPORTANT KITCHEN REMODELING TIPS!!
Before you even start the demolition, make sure you do the following:
1. Figure out an area where you can cook during the chaos. You will need a work area [use a couple of the "going bye-bye" cabinets for this. Make the workmen move them to where you need them], w/power, water and storage space
2. Move the fridge and the Microwave to the new space. If you have to run an extension for the fridge, TAPE IT DOWN. You do NOT want to deal with broken bones on top of everything else.
3. When it comes to cooking, your new best friends are an electric skillet, an electric griddle, and a crock pot. If you do not have all 3 of these, GO SHOPPING NOW!
4. For dishwashing…do not attempt to do this in the bathtub, or you will have long lovely dreams about blowing up your bathroom. You will also need hospitalization. Find 2 of those little washtubs that all the hospitals use for giving bed-baths. One for wash, one for rinse.
5. Rubbermaid totes are your friend. Dishes, Pots, Cutlery, and Food…Put it all into totes. Label them. Color code them. Whatever works for you, but most importantly, PUT THE LIDS ON THEM.
I went thru this process about 15 [!!!] years ago. These tips came to me from 3 friends who’d re-done their kitchens. Trust me sweetie, if you do not prepare, the process takes three times as long, and you’ll try really hard to kill someone.
I’m a bad person, because instead of thinking, “Oh, that’s terrible, I feel so bad that they have to get a new kitchen and have all that work done,” all I can think of is, “Man, I really hope Allstate sues Home Depot because this is totally a UCC case and I’m on the UCC Reporter Digest at school and we could totally annotate this case.”
Although it could also not be a UCC case, depending.
If Allstate sues somebody and the case doesn’t settle for some crazy reason and there’s actually a published opinion, let me know!
But sorry about the anxiety. Our old fridge broke and we had to get a new one, and it took two weeks and we weren’t sure it was going to fit (even though we measured), so I was a nervous wreck until today, when it got here and fit.
Well, I guess you’ll be stressed over this until it’s finally done and repaired… You’ll probably be able to unwind once all the mess (repairs included) will be over. I hope it will come and be gone in a thrice, and that you can forget all the unpleasantness…
And courage with the stairs..
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