Just before going to RT, I realized that my nails were shot. A couple of them had broken off – I tend to do things like clean and type – and no amount of manicure would redeem them. I was looking at four days of shaking hands, hugging, and signing. By the way, did you know that people look at your hands when you sign their book? I didn’t either, until someone clued me at a signing. We usually try to write a personal message, unless the person requests signature only, so they are trying to read what we’re writing while it’s being written. I was not going to gross people out with my different length nails.
I typically don’t wear make-up, and I occasionally let too many weeks lapse between coloring my hair, which for me is a must, because my head is prematurely grey in places. I’m like Polgara the sorceress, except Polgara stopped with one lock and I’ve got spots of grey all over. But for the convention, I will make sure that I at least look half-way professional. People come to RT from Australia.
So I went to the salon and asked for acrylic nails.
I never had them before.
I am sitting there and my nails are being trimmed and filed, so far so good, and then this dude takes out what looks very much like a drill with a rough round tip on it and proceeds to scour the tops of my nails. Aaaaaa! It’s too late now. I sit there like a dufus and soon all my nails look like they had been rigorously rubbed with large grain sandpaper. Then they superglue the tip of the nail on each one and then the roll out acrylic with a brush. The acrylic comes in this tub and I am getting coats and coats. There is like three millimeters of the stuff on my nail.
So nails are buffed, they look great, we go to Rt, we come home, and the nails begin to pull away from the surface of the naturals nails near the cuticle and on the sides. It is now actively bugging me. On top, they are growing out and it’s hard to type and dial phone numbers.
I need to go to salon to have them removed, but I am busy/lazy. I am too scared to rip them off. There is superglue in there and it will hurt. So I look it up and find out that you can get a fungus between improperly applied acrylic and nail. Okay, they are coming off if that’s the last thing I do. Apparently, if you soak the nails in acetone, acrylic will melt. Kick butt. Gordon is out mailing contracts, so I text him and request 100% acetone. Acetone is purchased and presented to me.
The only trick to this is that acetone has to be on your nails for at least half an hour and with the thick acrylic I got, I figure, it will take me awhile. So we eat and sit down for a bit of mindless TV. I get cotton balls, a dish, acetone, and some aluminum foil and park myself on the couch. I dip cotton balls in acetone, put them on my nails, and wrap a piece of foil on each finger, which results in me having witch claws.
Gordon sees me.
“Kids! You have got to see what your mother is doing!”
So after much fun making, soaking in acetone, and two hours later, my nails were clean. Acetone turns acrylic into rubbery sticky goo, which made me look like I had toxic goo melting mutant nails and which I had to then scrape and rub off my nails, but it’s off. And my nails look awful, because of all the grinding. I slapped some nail polish on them, and that will be that.
I am not doing this again if I can help it. From now on, it’s just manicure for me, thanks.