Joel Northrup weighs 112lb and wrestles for Linn-Mar High School in Iowa. Technically, he is not a student there – he is homeschooled, but the school allows him to participate in sport programs. Joel is a gifted wrestler and he made it to the state tournament. To advance, he had to wrestle Cassy Herkelman. One small problem: Cassy is a girl.
Joel chose to excise himself from the tournament rather than face a girl on the mat. When I first heard the story, I could sort of understand that decision. High School wrestlers wear what can only described as a spandex unitard. It leaves nothing to imagination. I can understand how a teenage boy, especially one who doesn’t attend a co-ed school, might get a little freaked out by a prospect of wrestling a girl. It is what it is – he is a teenage boy, and at his age erections are a spontaneous occurrence.
When you wrestle, there is no way not to grab her butt or her breasts and nobody wants to be accused of being a groper. Not to mention that if you do happen to get excited from grappling with a sweaty girl in a spandex unitard, everyone will see it. And you might even completely embarrass yourself.
But then I read this statement made by the boy:
“[W]restling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times. As a matter of conscience and my faith, I do not believe that is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other High School sports in Iowa.”
“I have been placed in a situation…” Really? Nobody forced him to wrestle. In fact, since he doesn’t attend the high school, his presence on the team is a privilege.
Yes, wrestling shouldn’t be a co-ed sport, but there are not enough girl wrestlers to form their own tournaments. Cards on the table: no high school male wrestler wants to wrestle a girl. But I know my husband, despite all his Southern sensibilities, would walk out on that mat, grit his teeth, and throw her around. From where he stands, she chose to put herself into this position. She asked to be treated as an equal. The least he can do is to not pull his punches.
Reading that statement, I can see message behind the lines: women are too delicate to wrestle and be treated as equals. The sad thing is, it’s not him talking. It’s the parents.
When this story was told to my teenage daughters, my oldest shrugged and said, “If you decide to wrestle, wrestle and don’t be a sissy about it. He is just crying, ‘Ew, girls are yucky.’ If wrestling is your goal, then you should give it everything you’ve got.”
So here is my question of the day: what is your opinion about all this?
Update: Hey guys, the comments on this post are now locked. Most of the comments are really long, because we all feel strongly about this issue, and we have to read all of them to make sure that the debate remains heated but not offensive. We’re are squished due to deadlines and it’s taking a lot of time. Sorry guys. Thank you so much for the discussion.
@Sun, let me know if you want to post a rebuttal to my comment and I will unlock them for a little bit to make sure your point of view is heard. 
i think the whole thing should be seperated in 3 parts:
1) his decision. that is his own, he has to make it. whether we like it or not is our problem. his decision was whether to fight her or not to fight her, and he chose not to. does that make some angry? yes. does it hurt the girl? probably. still his decision, and we have to accept it imo.
2) his comment. now i would agree that it is not the best formulation. on the other hand, i don’t really see anything else he could have said. sure, if it was the fear of a boner in his spandex suit, he could have mentioned that, and then avoided the public for a couple of years … same with being uncomfortable fighting a girl. not wanting to hit a girl is somewhat accepted, even by kids. but generally kids are pretty cruel, especially in his age. so he would have gotten hell for practically anything else he might have given as a reason not to fight a girl.
3) his parents influence. some of the stuff that has been mentioned here, like his father being a religious nut or the family influencing the speech/decision was not in the quoted article, so for me it is hearsay. but still, i think it is pretty cowardly for a father to hide behind his child in that way. and although i agree everyone should be allowed to have their own opinion, to force their oipinion on someone, especially your own children, for me is some of the worst things you could ever do in your life. of course you teach kids your belief, but often you see parents completely disregarding the will of their children, forcing their opinion on them. that, imo, is almost as bad as rape, it is akin to a mental rape. now i don’t know if that happened here, but it kinda looks that way. of course i am always suspicious of religious people, cuz i think nothing good can ever come out of religion. but that is another discussion completely.
haven’t heard anything about this until now…
I’d say the boy did what he felt was best and there are certainly other aspects besides the combative nature to consider.
The physical aspects alone-I mean, grappling around with a girl in spandex…I expect it’s caused an unusual reaction (or actually not so unusual) but getting an erection in the middle of wrestling-well, it’s probably an embarrassing event and not one he could hide, either.
No, he wasn’t forced into that predicament and hopefully he can come to see that later on. The girl chose it and is mature to deal with it.
The boy-not so much. And that could be a lot of what it boils down to.
I’ll refrain from mentioning much on any religious aspects other than to say this-respectfully, Garf, I’m not a religious nut per se, but I am Christian and I don’t force my beliefs on anybody. Not everybody who has faith believes in forcing anything on anybody.
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Karate isn’t exactly a gentle sport either, and there are co-ed tournies for that, moreso than in wrestling. Always has been a male-dominated sport, but that’s not an excuse.
Well to keep it brief since it’s been well covered, I think that the boy was certainly free to make his choice but he should have taken responsibility for that decision.
Umm… forgive my ignorance but a couple questions for you wrestlers out there: Don’t you have to learn to deal with other involuntary and embarrassing body reactions besides an erection? And what if you were gay — would there be any difference between wrestling a boy or a girl? I mean, attraction is attraction after all.
The first thing this stuff always makes me think is would a boy be allowed to play on a female team. For example what if this kid wanted to wrestle on a female team due to his size what would the argument be then? When boys want to play female sports they are less than a man but when a girl wants to play on a male sport then she is butch and it becomes inappropriate. Moving on this was actually an issue in my state a few years ago. I think the girl won like third place in the state championship. She had some serious skill!
I have two sides here the first is personal, I am small and would wrestle no one. I love WWE, I love boxing would I ever be in the ring HECK NO. I loathe contact sports and that is my choice.
Now for everyone else I am with Kid 1 if he wants to wrestle then he should wrestle, it should not be about sex but skill. My son is into martial arts he has been doing it since he was 3. When he was small fighting girls was never an issue and as he grew (now 16) it never became an issue it was never a question about right or wrong but this is your sparing partner. He admits that fighting women is different then men. He said they are usually faster and attack differently where men rely on strength women rely on speed. He went on to say sparing with girls makes him faster and helps him use different skills. He did go on to say that maybe her goal is to become a WWE diva and this dork is stomping on her dreams
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I think the boy is a wuss! If he wanted to wrestle he should have gotten on the mat and proved himself. Instead he took the sexist role and said it was inappropriate. That is crap! People are built for different things and we train differently. The whole accidental breast grab I do not see it, I mean would she accidentally grab his balls?? Some women want to be protected and others want to kick a$$ get over yourself.
*cough* I gotta say that breasts are – in general – more easily accessible than balls
plus, he probably wears protection over his private parts, not sure how it works for wrestlers, though.
I mainly wanted to add that I think it’s a bit harsh to label a 15-year-old boy you don’t know personally so easily as wuss and sexist. Just my opinion.
Maybe, his problem is more uncomplex than we are all thinking. Maybe, he was scared to get his butt in the ring. Maybe, he didn’t want to be the one that was known for having lost to a girl. I think that with all things considered, and all points raised by those that commented, this is another option. Most boys are competitve by nature, striving to be the best or at least out best their peers. And to go against a girl, that is at his same level. I don’t know. Maybe it was fear keeping him out of the ring.
I understand. I weight lift for my school and I have meet several guys who make snide comments when I’m in the gym. I don’t do light weights. I squat nearly 200 and can bench press my weight and it amazes me that after all I’ve done in the sport I still get grief.
It could be as simple as some young men are taught not to hit girls even if the girls are more than capable of taking it. It could be being gentlemanly and having manners.
He really could be just fine with her wrestling as long as he didnt have to be the one that hit her. I would be afraid of reading too much of our own perseonal inner demons into it.
Im a divorced mom, work full time as a RN, and go to school full time to get my BSN, but if someone wants to open a door for me, or offer to take the trash out I’ll let them it wont make me any less capable of taking care of myself.
Not meaning to disagree with anyone just my own personal opinion shaded with my own personal issues
Well. I have two takes on it.
As a girl, it totally irritates me. If I put myself out there, take me on.
Now. I happen to be the mom of a 16 yr old boy who has yet to go on a date. He may be 6’2″ and on the football team, but he is very shy and unsure around girls right now. He was pudgy all his life until he shot up and became this… really attractive young man that girls watch.
But that little, shy pudgy boy is still the center of who he is and I don’t think I could offer him a Porche to follow through with wrestling with a girl. He’d probably puff his chest and say he’d do it, but when it came down to it, for most of the reasons you stated he’d never really do it. His ego couldn’t take all the razin afterwards. Losing yes. But hearing the teasing about groping and rolling around. He’d really want to crawl under a table. Of course, you couldn’t get him into that outfit to start with, so it’s kinda a moot point.
Although. I think Curran could really use one of those get ups. Just sayin’.
I agree with all your points. I have to say I came at his comment from my own bias. I have worked in the sexual assault advocacy
I read his comment in a different way. I’ve worked in the sexual assault “issue” field for some time now and to hear a boy talk about how violence isn’t okay to do towards a woman (even if she put herself there) was refreshing. Do I think he should have wrestled her? Heck ya! I wrestled my male cousins growing up and i ALWAYS won. But if he retracted because of these beliefs, he’s not the wuss that people on here are saying. I’m thinking (hoping) that it’s less of a “she’s unequal to me” issue and a more of a respect thing. More men need to learn respect.
Hmmmm… just to be fair, I have to say that issued statements seldom are truthful. Maybe the true reason was something along the lines of what you initially thought, Ilona, but the parents and the kid probably didn’t want to issue a statement saying: I didn’t want to wrestle with her because I was afraid my hormones get the better of me? Not likely, I guess.
I think that a young man in his position is facing a huge problem: He is a wrestler and he is supposed to wrestle against a girl and treat her as an equal. But… what if he truly wrestles with her and she gets hurt in some way? I’m pretty sure that lots of people will cry: well of course the poor girl had no chance against that boy! No matter that she chose to wrestle and chose to wrestle against boys.
The kids in that situation can only treat themselves as equals as far as the public and the society allows and supports it, I guess.
I’m really hesitant about saying what the young man did was wrong or that his parents are influencing him not to accept girls as his equal.
I think if he can’t see her simply as an opponent, but sees her as a woman and he has the belief that a a man should under no circumstances be violent against a woman, he would really be caught between a rock and a hard place, right?
And, IMO, he has been placed into a certain situation…. He has been forced to make a statement of sorts: Either fight the young woman or excise himself from the tournament. If fighting a woman goes against everything he believes, even though she put herself into the position by choosing the sport, I can see how he would react like that.
I rather have a young wrestler that can’t force himself to wrestle with a woman than one who’s over-eager to do so.
It’s nothing new really is it? Poor lad to be put in that position presumably without an agent to buffer controversy –
3 things occur to me
-has this happened in adult world of wrestling or is he bring used to bring it to forefront.
- why is there no statement from school
- do the boys who attend the school take part in coed wrestling or is he being singled out.
In the UK we are pretty backward – sports are not expected to be coed. Most female teams are seen as lesser and money is not pumped into them — although to be fair the ONLy sport we invest in is football.
Ps I have friends on Commonwealth Bronze medal winning Hockey team so it really bugs me to see lack of support.
I think it’s quite a sad situation for both of them- hopefully it will not deter either from excelling in future.
This news article has some additional information: http://abcnews.go.com/US/wrestler-joel-northrup-forfeits-cassy-herkelman-girl-iowa/story?id=12948252.
While I could forgive a teenage boy for not being comfortable wrestling a girl (for all of the reasons you listed, and several mentioned in the comments), I can’t forgive or condone his (and his parents’) attitude that “girls just shouldn’t be doing that.”
This was the state championship. You had to qualify to go, which means that Cassie Herkelman and the other girl that qualified spent a lot of time this year wrestling (and beating) boys. They deserved to be at the state championship, and along comes a boy who basically says, “Well, the only reason I forfeited is because I really don’t think girls should be doing that. Its against my beliefs that girls should be doing that, so I’m not going to participate.” To me, his (and his parents’) statements that wrestling is a “violent” sport is really just code for “wrestling is a manly sport and girls don’t belong.” That is, to quite frankly, crap.
When they bring up her wins/losses, I always wonder how many of those she won by actually wrestling & how many by forfeiture. If she actually is there by virtue of her skill or because she’s a girl & many guys refuse to wrestle girls.
Another news article from USA Today indicates that she won 20 previous matches without receiving a default (without a forfeit).
She deserved to be there.
It’s his choice. If he doesn’t want to wrestle a girl he doesn’t have too.
On the other side of the coin that means that he doesn’t get to win the tournaments and get noticed by the colleges and get scholarships.
If girls wrestling was a prevalent thing in the sport I could see this as him whining. As it stands, it seems as if there should be a way around him losing out on scholarships without being forced to wrestle a girl.
I always come back to “your rights end where mine begin” and both kids have rights to perform in sports they want as well as have a shot at scholarships. There should be a way around it. Forcing people to rethink their beliefs over a sport is stupid.
Northrup was allowed to compete for third place after his forfeit. His scholarship opportunities were not limited by his decision to forfeit.
I think making exceptions in these situations would be extremely difficult. Would the exception only apply to boys who didn’t want to wrestle girls? If so, what’s the justification. Do they need to have a sincerely held belief that they shouldn’t wrestle girls? If so, how do you determine that its a sincerely held belief, and not someone who is trying to game the system by avoiding have to wrestle a better opponent? What if a wrestler didn’t want to wrestle an African American and forfeited? Should we allow an exception in that situation? If not, how do we justify permitting an exception in situation x and not y?
Then you have to consider all of the legal ramifications that go along with treating various situations differently. Particularly in light of Title IX and other statutory and constitutional protections.
Well….I have two boys. They’re response to the question was “only if you plan to never attend that school again and know you’ll be moving out of the state the next day”. I can sympathize with the boy. Being a teenager is hard enough, being reluctant to grapple with a girl in tight spandex when it seems that most of the time you have no control over a part of your body at all anymore is completely understandable.
PS I don’t have a religious bone in my body
Before I say anything else,
You said: “In fact, since he doesn’t attend the high school, his presence on the team is a privilege.”
I am a homeschooler. I pay all the same taxes as those who choose to send their children to public and private schools. That means I pay the taxes for the school district and I pay for my own educational materials on top of that. That is my choice. So I don’t grumble *much* about not getting the school tax money back. However, if one of my children should choose to play a school sport, they are afforded the same right to do so as every other child in our district. It is as much a privilege for my children to play in school sports as it is for the children attending our local public schools. No more, no less. My taxes helped pay for it.
I don’t believe you meant to be offensive, so I choose not to be offended. I did, however, want to clarify that point.
As for the Christian, home-schooled boy in question? I do wonder if maybe that is the real issue here? To be honest, this situation is not really that uncommon. It’s not common either, but it has come up before.
I’m friends with a man who was a division 1 wrestler in high school & college- went to college on a scholarship. They had a female wrestler in his high school. He didn’t wrestle her. He wasn’t comfortable with it. Probably for all the reasons that you’ve already mentioned and then some. He didn’t make the news for choosing not to wrestle. Neither did any of his team-mates, who also chose not to wrestle her.
Why didn’t the good ol’ boys in my friends district make the news when this boy did?
I think we need to remember what it’s like to be a teenager. It’s such a hard time, in so many different ways. Peer pressure, spontaneous erections, trying to figure out who were are and how that fits with who our parents raised us to be… I think we need to give that the respect it deserves.
I agree that girls & boys should have equality in sports. Ideally, girls would have their own wrestling team. They don’t. That’s not the boys fault. There just aren’t enough girls at present to form one in each school. So yes, they should be allowed on the only team available. And yes, the boys can withdraw.
Cheese said: “The kids in that situation can only treat themselves as equals as far as the public and the society allows and supports it”
I agree. And that’s the real issue, isn’t it? Or, it should be. It isn’t fair to make any one student the poster child for this issue. I remember saying & doing things as a teenager that make me cringe today. That remorse is part of what makes me who I am now. How awful it must be to have these already difficult trials of growing up publicized for the world to see and judge. I’m sure one day he’ll wish he said it differently. Given the circumstances, he probably already does.
I think the girl is smart for choosing not to comment until after the tournament. It is said that girls mature faster then boys. I’ve always believed this to be generally true both physically and emotionally. If that is the case though, it’s another thing to consider before we judge this boy too harshly.
It’s a strange new world we live in, where one poor choice in wording can travel the world over in an eye-blink, to be immortalized long after the lesson has been learned.
Is he a student attending the high school? No.
Did special arrangements have to be made for him to be included in the team? Yes.
Wrestling is a competitive sport. The fact that he is on the team means that he took the spot of another child who does attend high school and the he threw that spot away. When he did that, did his high school team registered a loss? Yes.
Is he a student of that highschool? No.
If you chose to be offended by that, I am sorry, I can’t help that.
Highschool sports are more than just showing up for practice. They are about camaraderie, friendship, and social interaction that take place outside of practice as well. These parents chose to cherry pick which activities they allow their child to experience.
Yes, his presence on the team is a privilege. Being on a team is a privilege, period. You have to maintain a grade point average to be on the team. As a homeschooling parent, I would have 100% control of what grades my children get, not the school, and they would not be judged by the same standards as their peers who attend the regular highschool. He is getting special treatment.
Paying taxes gives the parents the right to enroll him in the highschool of their choice or to homeschool them. They chose option B. So the school is good enough to do sports in, but not good enough to attend? How in the world is he going to represent his school and take pride in the school’s name while wrestling? It’s not just team spirit. It’s school spirit – a school which his parents decided was not good enough.
I considered homeschooling our children at one point. It would never cross my mind to enroll them in the local school team sports. Why? They would not be students of that school. I would enroll them into a private team/club.
I realize that Iowa laws permit homeschooled children to participate in sports programs offered by public school, but I don’t agree with it. It’s my personal opinion.
We will just have to disagree.
I have to agree with Ilona on this ( I know big surprise) but I played football, wrestled and ran track in high school. To me and I think my teammates sports was also about school pride and school spirit.. You are representing your school and your fellow classmates. Who is he representing? Does he attend pep rallies? If he was my teammate I would be a little ticked off, he can take a spot on the team but he is too good to attend classes? If our school is so bad why would he want to represent it in matches & tournaments? Does he get to wear the Uniform or letter jacket?
I just want to reiterate: being on a sports team in high school is not a right. You have to try out for it. Paying taxes DOES NOT guarantee that a child will get to participate in a sports program. It only guarantees a chance to do so. And yes, attending the school makes a difference. I was a high school athlete and we did have a child who was not a member of the school on our swim team on our team. She was a child of a teacher. We were nice to her, but we were keenly aware that she was treated differently and she did not have the same issues we experienced with trying to balance our school work and sports.
Our team represented our school in competition. She was not a student of our school. We never could quite figure out how that worked.
I just wanted to make a quick correction: the girl my friend wrestled was not on his high school team, she was on another high school team that competed against his school. Maybe not important, but less confusing, I hope.
Ilona:
There are many varied reasons that people choose to homeschool. I live in an area where the homeschooling community is a good size. In my county, there are homeschooled Christians as well as Atheists. There are several families that homeschool for medical reasons. One family homeschools their child with cycstic fibrosis because they feel the specifics of her meds and her frequent hospital visits would hinder her education in a traditional school environment. For many of these families, the decision to homeschool has nothing to do with whether or not the education is “good enough.” Sure, sometimes it is about that, but not always. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.
I agree with you in that being on a sports team in high school isn’t a right. School sports teams are not part of the curriculum. That’s why kid’s still take phys ed. Sports team are **extra-curricular activities.** Social in nature.
Another HS family in our district has children on the public school soccer team. Soccer is big here- very competitive. These children tried out for these spots- and got them. Some of their HS friends tried out and didn’t. Fair & square, they made the team because of their ability in the sport. Personally, I find it nice to know that, despite these children not attending the local school, for whatever reasons, they’re still given the same opportunity to enjoy the social aspects with their peers in the community. As you stated, their parents paying taxes affords them that chance.
Gordon, the family I know whose daughter is on the varsity soccer team in our school district…yes, she does have the varsity jacket. She goes to all the practices and games, she plays her heart out, she does the school district sports team proud. She also fundraises with all the other girls. She goes to pep rallies too. So yes, she wears the jacket.
Again, sports teams are **not part of the curriculum.** They are a privilege and an extra-curricular activity. That’s why they are usually the first to go when funding gets cut. They are extras, a bonus for the kids in the district.
Our taxes were recently raised for a new pool for the high school. There’s nothing wrong with the pool we had. It needed minor repairs. The district wanted a bigger one. Because my children don’t attend the district school, they shouldn’t be allowed to try out for the swim team that utilizes the beautiful new pool that I’m helping to pay for?
And lastly, academics. *sigh* Why?, Just,…
Okay.
I live in one of the strictest states in the US regarding homeschool laws and regulations. In the state where I reside, HS students are required to take standardized tests in 3rd, 5th, 8th. In high school, testing is not required, but the regulations become more specific and, if you want your child to get into college, some form of official testing will be needed. We are evaluated every year by a licensed teacher, with no less than 2 years experience, who has to sign off on the work, and we hand in a log of daily instruction to the district with the evaluator’s letter.
I’m sure you’ve heard of teachers teaching to the standardized tests to up school scores. I don’t have that option. I have 5 teachers in my family. My good friend is a teacher. Her husband is an administrator. I can tell you that teaching to the tests does happen, even after “No Child Left Behind.” My children tested at or above the standards. Sometimes way above. My sons math scores were exactly at the average, which is why we’re focusing hard on math this year. Some children do poorly, some do exceedingly well. Just like in public and private schools. There are good teachers and not so good teachers, in and outside of the public and private schools. Some parents will choose to give their children good grades so that they can play sports in the public or private school. Some teachers do the very same thing.
Regarding the issue of academics as a whole, I really don’t know what else to say to you. I can give you a real life experience though. A friend’s homeschooled son had this to say after coming home for break from his first semester of college: “It’s so much easier now than what you put us through.”
Thank you for hearing me out.
Wow, absolutely interesting comments.
First thought that came to mind was, suck it up buttercup! Wrestle that girl and pray that you don’t get wood.
Second, you could argue about this scenario from many different angles and never get a consensus.
Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to ponder something I wouldn’t normally and to use both my brain and argumentative skills (we’re talking about it at work).