I sat on the charred floor of the abandoned Home Depot. Around us gutted walls rose into darkness. An eerie unnatural cold permeated the sad wreck of once luxurious corporate headquarters, its freezing current twining around the support columns. Long ragged scars cut across exposed concrete as if something with three-foot claws had scoured the walls.
Across from me Derek rubbed his hands. “Damn, it’s cold.”
Jim emerged from the gloom carrying a cardboard box. “You got a match? I found this stack of extended warranties. We can burn them to keep warm.”
He dumped the warranties on the floor and I set it on fire. Orange flames danced across the curling papers.
“So what happened here?” Derek asked.
“Some Russian woman,” I told him.
“Not one of Roman’s relatives?”
Jim shook his head. “No. This was awhile back. Story goes she bought a GE dishwasher from Home Depot and after a year, it quit. Home Depot sent out tech after tech to replace the motor, and in the end, they screwed up. The dishwasher leaked and caused damage to the kitchen floor. She tried to get help, but Home Depot kept passing the buck, first to the techs, then to GE. Finally she lost it, walked in here in the middle of the night, and summoned a tornado of metal blades. Gutted the whole place.”
“Guess they should’ve replaced her floor,” Derek said.
I nodded. “Guess they should’ve.”
Absolutely brilliant! Whether or not it makes it into a Kate book doesn’t matter, you’ve already published it for the world to see, right here.
P.S. I really hope you find an amiable solution to your flooring issues.
Sadly, the only thing I can think of that is appropriate to say in this instance is “You go Girl!”
Yes, I’m very offended by the way this company has treated you and, no doubt, lots of other customers. I have to buy a new washer and my sister keeps saying “go to Home Depot”. I’m not. We consumers need to support each other; it’s the only thing these type of companies respond to. Therefore, I will be buying at a store that respects their customers and stands behind their products. Obviously not HD.
BAWAHAHAHA
Seconded. Do I need to mention the evil grin, too?
That was awesome!
Rebecca recently posted..Review: The Last Policeman by Ben H. Winters
AWESOME!!!
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They deserved it, Maybe next time they’ll fix the damned floor.
haahahaha amazing! simply amazing!
PS: I hope the kitchen floor damage isnt permanent or at least it can be fixed >.<
We have had good luck with Home Depot for many things but I prefer Sears for appliances. They should have fixed the floor! Love the snippet
hahahahahah I love it!
Hilarious! I feel like doing the same thing sometimes. LOL
L.J. Kentowski recently posted..First Impressions: Meet Ries Draeger
Simply. Awesome!
You should send them this…wait you might get in trouble if they think you can actually summon a ‘tornado of metal blades’ after all a passenger was kicked off a plane for wearing an Inigo Montoya t-shirt.
Chantal Halpin recently posted..Chocolate Orange Cake
I couldn’t believe it – then I went and found it. . .
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/23/qantas-passenger-montoya-shirt_n_2535672.html
Sigh. Some people’s kids!
I know, right? Crazy!
Chantal Halpin recently posted..Chocolate Orange Cake
…not to laugh at your pain and frustration, but that was fantastic!!! Love, love, love the snippet – wish it would make it into a book in some way
I agree with Angel-Grace!
Epic, I commiserate as Sears did something similar to us when a refrigerator we bought from them about a year before the Wildfires in 2011 burned us out ruined part of the oak wood floor in our kitchen. It was a manufacturing defect that allowed the defrost tray to spill onto the floor and after it did this over a period of 8 months a service tech put a piece of cardboard under the tray, fixed the spilling but too late to stop floor boards from warping under the unit.
This was 4 service calls later and not one time was it mentioned the unit was warping the floor, we found out when cleaning coils and never got floor fixed when we had Sears investigate.
I feel kind of like you, rage and despair mixed with regret for ever buying a useless warranty that was not honored!
JackieBCentralTexas recently posted..The Archived Sneak Peek-The Archived #1 {My Thoughts
I love it!
That had me bursting out laughing. My husband just gave me a funny look like I had lost my mind. Always a great thing when you can fantasize about the total destruction of those things that drive you nuts.
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!
I am so with you! Home Depot screwed up my new bathroom vanity & mirror. When I went back to them they passed the buck, ALOT. I could picture this scene so well, because I had envisioned it in my mind so many times before. Thank you for sharing
you should post this on HD’s facebook page :p
Well, hm. Let’s get viral. Just posted on Facebook
Brilliant!
You are fantastic! I love your sense of humor. Good luck with HD.
Absolutely fabulous! I loved this. Reminds me of the United Breaks Guitar song.
lacrimsonfemme recently posted..Review: Spider Bight
LOL too funny!
OH God! Love this snippet!!! I used to work for Home Depot – I am fully aware of how awful their customer service is! They may do something for you in the long run, but I am not holding my breath – they are like the giant gorilla in the room. Where does he sit? Anywhere he likes! I would check out any local ‘small’ store. They are still around if you check, at least they are in Golden, Colorado and the environs. I try to do all local stores when I can, they will fall over themselves to make sure things are done right.
I sent you an email on how to fix the floor if you can’t get them to do it (I would come do it for you myself if I didn’t live so far away!).
Totally whomps that you’ve endured the run-around, but thanks for venting in such a creative and entertaining manner.
hey, by any chance is Ghastek’s middle name Edward? because, ya know, G.E. ‘brings bad things to life’
LOL — hopefully someone from Home Depot will see this and do something before this goes viral.
That was worth a good laugh. I hope that makes it into one of your books.
You can take some fiendish pleasure in the loss of Arthur Blank’s Falcons.
Awesome smackdown!
PERFECT!
I’m going to be laughing and chuckling for days as I think of your venting piece, though I am sorry about the underlying fact: that you are being screwed by HD.
I agree with Miriam.
Her post just totally expressed what I wanted to say as well. Here’s to your floor being fixed soon.
Loved this one, is this a part of Magic Rises??? By the way.. I am a little bit confused about exactly when the shift occured… From what I’ve read, it seams like the current story is in 2035 or 2040.. and the shift occurred between 2010 to 2020.. Am I right?? It’s really confusing to me…
Oh Ilona,if only! Loved it of course.
Wonderful!
For a moment I really thought it was a new snippet. It is funny!
FUNNY!!
Very Funny.
I ADORE this. ROFLMAO.
Who hasn’t just wished for destructive powers when dealing with extended warranties. It’s like the travel insurance you buy when you take a trip. You get sick… and everyone passes the buck. You pay for the insurance, the trip you didn’t take, you medical bills, and then have to rebook.
Bought rain barrels at Lowes, one of them split almost immediately, another less than a year later. Emailed Lowe’s, they got back to us within 24 hrs, asked which store (there were two), got our info, manager called us a day later and offered to replace them. Period. We went in, were warmly welcomed, we elected to purchase a different model, so they gave us FULL CREDIT for the two barrels we returned. Wonderful customer service, we will shop there and not walk into HD!
Shades of Douglas Adams and the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation who will be “First up against the wall when the revolution comes” according to the hitchhikers guide.
There is a theory in England that he based the SCC on one of our large, out of town, white-goods chain stores – pretty much our equivalent of Home depot (I think).
At least writers have ways of exacting revenge that the rest of us can’t rise to. I could post about the lousy service from Currys, the invalid extended warranty I paid for and my washing machine – but I would just bore everyone. You make us all howl with laughter – thanks. I feel your pain. (I mean I actually feel your pain – I’m going through something similar)