Me: Why is your nose bleeding?
Him: I was helping Kid 1 to put cardboard into a dumpster in her apartment. We put too much cardboard in and the lid fell and scraped off a chunk of my skin.
Me: When was this?
Me: You got scraped by the lid of an apartment dumpster with about a trillion of contaminants on it. Did you sterilize the scrape?
Him: ::blank look::
Him: Well, since it’s still bleeding, I suppose we could put some antibiotic gel on it. If we have some.
I can’t even.