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Me: Hello, I scheduled an appointment to set up new service (at the San Marcos address.) I need to explain some details about the property.
Spectrum Rep: Okay.
Me: The property has a small detached apartment above the second garage. We would like to make sure Internet and TV are hooked up to that apartment.
SR: No problem. The tech will be there tomorrow at 11:00 am.
Tech: Yeah, I can’t really do this, because the wire isn’t long enough. We either have to install a new access point or they have to run the wire. I can;t do that because the wire has to be buried.
Gordon and I: Well, that sucks, but it is what it is.
Tech leaves. Call from Spectrum.
SR: Hi, what happened with the install? It says it’s on hold.
Me: Why don’t you ask your tech?
SR: Ma’am, can you just tell me what happened?
Me: Explain the wire too short dilemma.
SR: I don’t know how to handle it. Let me ask my team lead.
Me: on hold for ten minutes.
SR: What I have to do is get you back to Customer Service.
Me: Why do I need to talk to Customer Service?
SR: It’s protocol that we do this.
Me: on hold for ten minutes.
SR: The customer service is asking me if there is an electric meter on the apartment.
Me: on hold for five minutes.
Some weird woman comes on the line.
SR2: Hi, how can I help you?
Me, pissy: I don’t know. I was on hold and now I am talking to you.
SR2: Why were you on hold?
Me: Can you get me back to the person who called me?
SR2: Not at the moment.
Me: explained everything. Keep in mind, they called us.
SR2: Does that property have a separate electric meter?
SR2: Then we can’t do anything.
Me: Why would it need a separate electric meter? It is all one address according to city of San Marcos. The utilities are not separated.
SR2: It has to be a different meter from North Austin address.
Me, speaking slowly: It has a different meter from that address because this is a house in an entirely different city. They are an hour apart.
SR2: Oh I see what’s going on.
Gordon: Let’s just call AT&T Uverse.
SR2: Let me read the notes on the account.
Me: Why don’t you speak to your tech? I am not a tech. I shouldn’t be a point person for you.
SR2: I am a customer service rep, and my abilities are limited. I am going to get you to tech support.
Me on hold for ten minutes. I am by now on the highway, because I am driving us back home.
Technical support SR3: What’s the issue?
Me, explain all of this for the third time.
SR3: Okay, I see what’s happening. You should get a call back within the hour with a resolution to this issue.
Three hours later.
SR4: Hi, I called about this install.
SR4: Is that apartment a detached dwelling?
SR4: See, we can’t do that, because it’s a separate dwelling.
Me: It has the same utilities. According to the city of San Marcos, it is the same dwelling.
SR4: So I can’t answer your question, ma’am.
Me: I didn’t ask you any questions. You called me. I just need you to install this wire or to tell me that it is beyond the abilities of your giant company to do so, so I can find someone else.
SR4, obviously irritated: A dispatcher from the installation company will have to call you, ma’am.
Me: Yes, please. Let me speak with the installation person and please stop calling me.
3 Minutes ago.
Installation supervisor: Hey, I am heading out there to take a look.
Me: Thank you! Thank you so much, because if one more Spectrum rep calls me, I might start howling.
Installation supervisor: If they do, tell them I am en route. That should do it.