It is a beautiful day out there, sunny and overcast at the same time. I’m beginning to think this might be a norm for Portland.

Tiny snippet of Kate 5:

Some people made it hard to guess their profession by their looks. Jim looked like a leg breaker.  It was an image he very carefully cultivated.  Six two and muscled like a middleweight boxer, Jim wore black: black boots, black jeans, black shirt, black cloak edged with dark fur, black gloves with cut-off fingers.  His skin was dark brown, and he looked distinctly monochromatic, like a wedge of darkness carved in the fabric of the kitchen.  People mistook him for a thug, which was what he wanted.  It was a costly mistake to make.

“Damn,  Jim, you’re so flamboyant.  Like a peacock with all these colorful clothes.  You should tone it down a little, if you want people to take you seriously.”  There.  Payback for ratting me out.

There was some talk about doing an up-all-night thing for MAGIC BLEEDS’s release, where Gordon and I would park ourselves in a chatroom for the duration of May 25th and be available to answer questions.  Do you guys still want to do this or should we abandon the idea?

If you still want to do this, should we do it on the 26th instead, so you have read the book?  We have a signing at Powells on the 25th, so we would be gone 5-10pm Pacific time, but if you guys would prefer to stay up, we can pull an all-nighter after that.

Here is a small snippet.

“Anything for me?”

Derek’s lips curved into a slight smile.  “Ascanio got himself arrested again.”

I heaved a sigh.  Ascanio was quickly turning into the bane of my existence.  Fifteen years old and a hundred pounds of batshit crazy in a five pound bag, he seemed bound and determined to earn himself some hard labor.

“What did he do now?”

“He was caught having group sex on the morgue steps.”

I stopped and looked at him.  “Define group.”

“Two women.”

It could be worse.

“For a fifteen year old kid he’s doing well for himself,” Derek said, his face completely deadpan.

“Don’t even go there.”

Derek chuckled to himself.

Human brains are not like computers and mine in particular takes a little bit of time to shift.  I’ve been thinking about the galleys all day, but they are not here yet, so even though I have pressing deadlines on everything, I can work on nothing.

So I bring you a couple of snippets from Kate 5 just for funsies.

Snippet one

“How was your day? Besides the talking?”

“I saw a body that exploded and dumped enchanted ants all over the floor.  Tomorrow I have that stupid meeting with the Guild.  More talking.”

“I’m supposed to tell you that it’s been moved to next week.”

“I guess I’ll save my talking to next week then.”

“You could always go for Plan B,” he told me.

“Knock out everyone who disagrees with me?”

“Exactly.”

Snippet two

I glanced at the summary.  “It says here that when Sandra woke up, you were in her bedroom, nude, and carrying a bouquet of sticks.”

Ken turned a shade redder, but I couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or outrage.  “They were roses.  I tore the petals off and put them on the carpet.”

Still waiting on the estimates for cats and dogs.

Call the airline regarding our tickets

Call landscape guys to see how much they would charge for breaking down the above ground pool, hauling the remains off, and putting sod down.

Call landlord in Salem, tell them we are so sorry, but we already sent money to the lovely landlord in Portland. – And they were rude, too.

Email agent, ask to please check on the replacement 1099

Call movers

Call car people about moving the car

De-junk the bathrooms and garage.

Write gazillion words.  (Gazillion in this case means anything over 1,500.)

A quote from the day before yesterday:

“Fine.”  He leaned toward me.  “Stop crying.  This is what you signed up for, so put your big girl panties on and deal with it.”

“Big girl panties.”

“Mhm.”

He turned and headed to the couch in the living room.  I grabbed my tea and chased him.

“On second thought, I am leaving you.”

He stretched out on the couch.  “Oh you’re so good to put up with me, Your Kateness, oh you’re so good to do the job X hired you for, Your Kateness, oh you’re so good to condescend to perform your duties, Your Kateness.”

“Of course, you know this means war.”

Teeeheee.

Directions said two rights, one left, then straight.  The first two turns were easy enough, the left was a tight squeeze between two pines.  Beyond the turn bamboo hugged the road, forming a dense green tunnel.  I steered the Jeep through it.

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Andrea frowned.

“Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?”

“I don’t know, do you think it will answer?”

We peered at bamboo.

“I think it looks suspicious,” Andrea said.

“Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it.”

Andrea stared at me.

“You know, heffalump?  From Pooh Bear?”

“Where do you even get this shit?”

All spoilers have been carefully taken out.

The phone rang.  I stared at it.  You never know.  It could be a trick.

The phone rang again.  I picked it up.

“Kate,” a dry voice vibrated with urgency.

Long time no kill.  “Hello, Ghastek.”  And what would Atlanta’s premier Master of the Dead want with me?

Masters of the Dead piloted vampires.  When a victim of Immortuus Pathogen died, his mind and ego died with him, leaving a shell of the body, superstrong, superfast, lethal, and ruled only by bloodlust.   Masters of the Dead grabbed hold of that empty mind and drove the vampire like a remote controlled car.  They dictated the vampire’s every twitch, they saw through its eyes, heard through its ears, and spoke through its mouth.  In the hands of an exceptional navigator, a Master of the Dead, a vampire was a weapon like no other.

Riding vampire minds was a well-paying business.  Ghastek, like ninety percent of navigators worked for the People, a cringe-worthy hybrid of a cult, business corporation, and research facility.   I hated People with a passion and I hated Roland, the man who led them, even more.

“What can I do for you?”

“A loose vampire is heading your way.”

Shit.   Only the will of the navigator kept the vampire in check.  Without that restraint, an insatiable hunger drove the bloodsuckers to slaughter. A loose vampire would massacre anything it came across.

It could kill a dozen people in half a minute.  The city would be a bloodbath.

“What do you need?”

“I’m less than twelve miles behind her.  I need you to delay her, until I come into range.”

“From which direction?”

“North-West.  And Kate, try not to damage her.  She’s expensive…”

I dropped the phone and dashed outside, bursting into almost painfully cold air.  People filled the street – laborers, shoppers, random passersby hurrying home.  Food to be slaughtered.  I sucked in a lungful of cold and screamed.  “Vampire!  Loose vampire!  Run!”

For a fraction of a second nothing happened, and then people scattered like fish before a shark.  In a breath I was alone.

A thick chain lay coiled on the side of the building.  It was used it to block our parking lot at night so weirdoes wouldn’t park there.   Perfect.

I ran inside and swiped the keys off the hook on the wall.

Two seconds to parking lot

A second to unlock the padlock securing the chain.

Too slow.  I ran, dragging the chain behind me, and dropped it before an old tree.

Three seconds to loop the chain around the trunk and work the other end into a slip knot.

I needed blood to bait the vamp.  Lots and lots of blood.

A team of oxen turned the corner.  I ran at them, pulling a throwing knife .  The driver, an older Latino man, stared at me.  His hand reached for a rifle laying on the seat next to him.

“Get off!  Loose vampire!”

He scrambled out of the cart.  I sliced a long shallow gash down the ox’s flank.  It bellowed.  Blood dripped on the ground.  I ran my hand along the cut.  It came wet with hot crimson and I waved it, flinging red drops into the wind.

The ox moaned.  I grabbed the chain loop.

An emaciated shape leapt off the rooftop.  Ropes of muscle knotted its frame under the skin so tight that every ligament and vein stood out beneath it.  The vampire landed on the pavement on all fours, skidded, its long sickle claws scraping the asphalt with a screech, and whirled.  Ruby eyes glared at me from a horrible face.  Massive jaws gaped open, showing its fangs, ivory against the black mouth.

The vampire charged.

It all but flew above the ground with preternatural speed, straight at the ox, pulled by the intoxicating scent of blood.

I thrust myself into its path, my heartbeat impossibly slow in my ears.

The vamp’s eyes fixed on my bloody hand.  I’d have only one shot at this.

The vampire leaped, covering the few feet between us.  It flew, limbs out, claws raised for the kill.  Its maw opened, fangs aiming for my throat.  It came straight at me.

I thrust the chain loop up and over its head.

Its body hit me.  The impact knocked me off my feet.  I crashed to the ground and rolled upright.  The vamp lunged at me.  The chain snapped taut on its throat, jerking it off the pavement.  The bloodsucker fell and sprung up, twisting and jerking on the end of the chain like a feral cat caught in a dog catcher’s leash.

The ox bellowed in pain.  I breathed, short and shallow.

The vampire flipped and lunged in the ox’s direction.  The tree shook and groaned.  Blood spurted from under the chain on its neck.  Either it would snap the tree or the chain would slice its throat.

The bloodsucker threw itself again, snapping the chain taut, and fell to the ground, its leap aborted.  It picked itself up and sat.  Intelligence flooded into its burning red eyes. The huge jaws unhinged and Ghastek’s voice came forth.

“A chain?”

“You’re welcome,” I growled, fighting the urge to bend over in relief.  Ghastek must’ve gotten close enough to grab the bloodsucker’s mind.  “I had to cut an ox to get the vamp fixed on me.  The bill is all yours.”

“Of course.”

You bet your ass, of course.  An ox cost about a grand.  A vampire, especially one as old as this one, went for about thirty times that.  And Ghastek didn’t even have to buy a new ox, he just had to pick up the vet bill.

The vampire squated in the snow.  “How did you manage to get a chain on her?”

I sagged against the ox cart.  “The old-fashioned way – I put it over its head.”  My face was hot, my hands were cold.   My mouth tasted bitter.  The adrenaline rush wearing off.

“What the hell happened?” I asked.

“One of Rowena’s journeymen fainted,” Ghastek said.  “It happens.  Needless to say, she’s now barred from navigation.”

The journeymen, Masters of the Dead in training, were perfectly aware that if their control over the unded slipped, the vampire would turn the city into a slaughterhouse.  They had nerves like fighter pilots pre-Shift.  They didn’t faint.  There was more to it, but Ghastek’s tone made it clear that getting any more information out of him would take a team of lawyers and a medieval torture device.

Just as well.  The less I interacted with the People, the better.  “Did it kill anybody?”

“There were no casualties.”

My pulse finally slowed down.

To my right, a humvee swung into the parking lot at a breakneck speed.  Armored like a tank, it carried an M240B, a medium machine gun, mounted on the roof.  The gunner was pale as a sheet.

“Cavalry,” I said.

The vampire grimaced, mimicking Ghastek’s expression.  “Of course.  The jocks got all dressed up to kill a vampire and now they won’t get to shoot the big gun.  Kate, would you mind stepping closer?  Otherwise they might shoot her anyway.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.  I moved to stand beside the vamp.  “You owe me.

“Indeed.”  The bloodsucker rose next to me, waving its front limbs.  “There is no need for concern.  The matter is under control.”

A black SUV turned the corner into the parking lot from the left.  The two vehicles came to a screeching stop in front of me and vampire.  The humvee disgorged four cops in the blue Paranormal Activity Division armor.  The taller of the four leveled a shotgun at the vamp and snarled.  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?  You’ve almost killed half of the city!”

The SUV’s door opened and Ghastek stepped out.  Thin and somber, he wore a perfectly pressed grey suit with a barely visible pinstripe.  Three members of the People emerged from the SUV behind him, a man and two women.  All three were meticulously groomed and would’ve looked at home in a high-pressure boardroom.

“There is no need to exaggerate.”  Ghastek strode to the vampire.  “No lives were lost.”

“No thanks to you.”  The taller cop showed no signs of lowering the shotgun.

“She is completely safe now,” Ghastek said.  “Allow me to demonstrate.”  The vampire rose from its haunches and curtsied.

The PAD collectively turned purple with rage.

“See?  I have complete control of the unde…”  Ghastek’s eyes rolled back into his head.  His mouth went slack.  For a long second he remained upright, his body completely still, then his legs gave.  He swayed once and crashed into the dirty snow.

The vampire’s eyes flared with bright murderous red.  It opened its mouth, revealing twin sickles of its fangs.

The PAD opened fire.