I was skyping with my father and my stepmom. They were both in a really good mood. The city turned off all hot water for a week in an effort to conserve energy pre-winter and yesterday was the day the water came back, so they both rushed to take a shower. People sometimes ask me if I miss Russia. Yes, and then I remember things like that. But anyway, we talked, and since I had unlocked the achievement of awesome husband and two smart children, they concentrated their efforts on my brother. He is in his early thirties, living with his girlfriend of some years, and he is unmarried.
I can imagine how those conversations go. See this video?
Now imagine this, but instead of the Unikitty, there are two older Russian parents going, “Marriage, marriage, marriage! Babies! Is this working?”
My brother has a short temper and he must’ve had it because he told them off the other day.
Dad: And he said that he will marry her after the children are born.
Irina: Can you believe it?
Me, without thinking: Oh no, he can’t do that.
Me: Because children think up weird things to be a victim over. “You only married because I was born! I made you both miserable, and you’re stuck with each other because of me! I will go to my room and cry and listen to dark music and possibly threaten to hurt myself on social media!”
They laughed at me for full five minutes.
It’s true though, kids blame you for strangest things. Okay, so when Kid 1 and Kid 2 were small, I don’t remember, Kid 1 might have been eight, she didn’t like the way Kid 2 was putting toy people in the car. For some strange reason, she decided to express her disappointment by kicking her sister. Unfortunately Kid 2 was sitting on the floor at the time, so the kick landed in her mouth. I hear crying, so I run into their room and see Kid 2 with blood running from her mouth. Parent moment.
Long story short, mouth was rinsed, slightly lose teeth were tested, and one kid was grounded for a week and the other had to eat soft things for a week, because I was afraid her teeth would fall out. Ever since then Kid 2 maintained that her teeth are straight because I apparently manually rearranged them in her mouth. I didn’t. She just doesn’t remember it well.
Fast-forward a few years. Kid 1 is a surly teenager.
Kid 1: My braces are killing me.
Me: Yes, but your teeth will be straight.
Kid 1: It’s all Dad’s fault.
Kid 1: It’s his genes.
Kid 2, smug: You should have just had mom fix your teeth.
Kid 1: Yeah, mom, you fixed Kid 2’s teeth, why didn’t you fix mine?
I remember wondering at that point if they would ever grow up. Now Kid 1 is kicking butt in college, but unfortunately, she no longer sleeps and I live in perpetual fear that she will fall asleep while driving.
So, what are some odd things your children blamed you for?