The plan was to work today, but I don’t think I’m going to. I woke up at a little after 4:00 am shaking and terrified out of my mind. I must’ve had a nightmare or some weird anxiety attack, so I just lay there staring at the dark ceiling and shaking for a bit.
Normally, I remember my dreams. I remember nothing this time. Clearly whatever I dreamed up was pretty horrible. The best cure for times like this is distraction, so I opened my Kindle and read the first sample I had downloaded. It was something about an assassin trying to kill some drug lord. I got as far as the guy’s head exploding into bloody mist and then I fell asleep.
I must find murder for hire soothing. 🙂
A few years ago I went through some rough time related to writing. I had trouble managing publisher expectations, reader expectations, and my own. I decided to try therapy. I walked into the office, sat down, described my problems, and the therapist nodded and asked, “What do you do for fun?” to which I answered, “I work.”
I was in therapy for over a year. Relearning how to have fun.
One of the fun things I learned was to never ignore the warning signs of overwork. For me most of them come when I am relaxing. As long as I am actively focusing on something, I have zero problems. It’s when I’m in a movie theater, or reading a book on the couch, or sleeping that my subconscious freaks out.
Yesterday was a fun day. I finally finished playing Subnautica, the computer game into I had sunk an ungodly amount of hours, and then Gordon and I went on a date. I wore a dress and put on make up. He wore clothes that were not shorts or sweatpants. It was awesome.
Clearly, I am in need of even more relaxing, because my brain’s reaction to the nice fun day was to dump all of the stress it’s been storing into my dreams. So no work today. I’m going to putter around, knit, drink tea, and in general do zip. Maybe read a bit more of that assassin book.
If I’m being objective, I can see why I’m stressed. We’ve ran into an issue with passports and we are expected in Paris at RARE in April. And we’ve been pushing pretty hard on Sapphire Flames. It’s 80% or more done. I should have the cover for you in the near future. Spoiler: the guy is not naked this time. It’s so easy to just sink into work and forget to recharge.
So this is your reminder: don’t forget to take a mental health day for yourself.