Mere Formality

MereFormality_smFor some odd reason, Mere Formality link is broken in Ebooks.  If you really enjoyed this silly story, here are the links to redownload it.

Warning: this story is one big dirty joke.  There is no actual sex, but there is a lot discussion about it.  It was written on a dare.  Someone told us that we couldn’t write a short story around one particular phrase, and we did.  So I recommend this for people 18+.  Because you know, we wouldn’t want to corrupt your minors.

A Mere Formality : EPUB

A Mere Formality : Mobi/Kindle


Quick Note

By popular demand, Prologue to Sweep in Peace is now included with the rest of the story.  To read it, click Sweep in Peace on the left menu or follow this link: prologue.

Jeaniene Frost and “Ilona Andrews” at Book People

TBA-cover-2-195x300Book People in Austin are hosting Jeaniene Frost for a signing of her new New Adult book, Beautiful Ashes.  So Jeaniene called and said,  “Let’s do a signing together.”  And we said, “Okay!”

We will mostly be there to be funny and for moral support.  They will have Magic Breaks on sale, so if you missed us, come see us this Thursday.  We are debating on bringing some arcs of Night Shift and Burn For Me as additional incentive, but we haven’t decided yet.

So, the official announcement.

Book People

This Thursday, 09/18/2014

7:00 pm

603 N Lamar Blvd.,

Austin, Texas 78703-5413

Jeaniene Frost

Gordon and Ilona Andrews

Try to get there at least fifteen minutes earlier, because parking can be murder down there.  :)


ilona_andrewsFirst, trivial personal post, than important announcement post.  So on to trivial.  The entirety of my at home wardrobe is grey.  As I type this, I am wearing a grey T-shirt.

I don’t know how this happened.  I like colors.  I typically don’t like grey clothes, but somehow here I am.  You can’t see it, but the soft capri pants I’m wearing are grey too.

I took Kid 2 to the outlet mall the other day.  By the way, American Apparel ads are creepy.  Just thought I’d put that out there.  The clothes are okay, but the ads are creepy and we had a lovely discussion about sexual exploitation of men and women, because AA is an equal opportunity offender.  There were more ads with girls than with boys, but boy ads were also creepy.  It’s interesting because some things that I get really disturbed by completely pass her okay check because her reasoning is different from mine.  But anyway, back to shirts.

I was going to buy some cheap T-shirts.  I have very specific needs: they must be light (fabric, not color) and soft.  I love printed T’s but most of them are too thick and heavy.  I also prefer a V-neck or a wide neck.  I found some T-shirts.  Forty bucks a piece.

I’m pretty hard on T shirts.  I cook, I do housework, I bathe pets, I spill things on myself…  Forty bucks is out of the question. What I need is a place where I can order a bunch of different, relatively light-weight not-grey colorful T-shirts, preferably on-line.  Does anybody have any suggestions where such T-shirts can bought for a woman of plump size? ;)


A Slightly Unprofessional Podcast

Sarah of Smart Bitches Trashy Books and Jane of Dear Author run an awesome monthly podcast.  Unfortunately their latest podcast didn’t record and Sarah asked on Twitter if anybody Scyped.  I Scype with my father so I volunteered to chat about books with her.  Gordon wasn’t here to restrain me from saying unprofessional things, so I went to weird places with it.  Poor Sarah did her best to steer me back on to the path, but I think she gave up about halfway and just started laughing.  So if you’re in the mood for unintentionally hilarious TMI podcast, here it is.

Quote of the Day

Tyrone glanced at the gathering. “Most of these assholes are here every day. Good luck getting their attention though. Half of them are drunk, half of them are hung over, and the other half don’t give a shit.”



Image source:

When you’re a writer, sometimes the simplest things shortcircuit you.  This is Hyatt Regency Hotel in Atlanta which was used as the inspiration for the Mercenary Guild.  I’ve spent half and hour yesterday trying to find the right way to describe the balconies.  I am still not happy with it but I have to move on.

Pet Morning

Yes, it did come of out you.

Yes, it did come of out you.

No, he can't believe it either.

No, he can’t believe it either.

Salem, the black cat in the photo, rapidly gained weight this year.  It wasn’t much by human standards, about two pounds, but we became very worried.  She is mostly an inside cat.  She goes outside once in a while strictly for recreation purposes and stays close to the house so we knew nobody else was feeding her. We curtailed her diet and kept her inside, but weight gain mysteriously continued.  We had rescued a shelter kitten before and he died suddenly of FIP.  FIP infection is not typical in older female cats, but it was on the back of everyone’s mind.  One day I reached over to pet her belly and she snapped at me, which she never does.  Kid 2 and I immediately freaked out.

We stuffed Salem into a crate – a three man operation, one to hold the crate, one to hold the cat, and one to fold her legs because crate is not her favorite – and rushed her to the vet.

Vet: That is a lot of weight gain for 4 weeks… I don’t feel any tumors.  We need an X-ray, but I don’t know if I am going to be able to get a radiologist today.

Us: Please, please do the best you can.

Vet: I’ll try.  It’s will be a little expensive…

Us: We don’t care.

Vet: I will do my best.


An hour later phone call:

Vet: I got a radiologist!  We are going to check her in half an hour!

We hold our collective breath for half an hour.


Half an hour later, phone call.

Vet: We found the issue.

Us: What is it?

Vet: Your cat is enormously fat.


She is not fat.  She is just furry.  ;)

Sookie, the Olde English Bulldogge, is going through terrible twos. She wouldn’t let other dogs be this morning even after a spirited run through the yard and some game time, so she was put into a time out.