Proofread my Latin?

I do not speak Latin.  If anyone would like to take a stab at proofreading this section, it would be mightily appreciated.

“Good.” I stood up. “Ascanio, I need you to get on the phone. Start with hospitals and clinics near her work route and give them her general description. Let’s make sure that she isn’t unconscious somewhere in a hospital bed. And when Derek comes in, please tell him to stay put.”

Ascanio snapped into a precision salute. “Auribus teneo lupum, Mea Regina!”

Why me? “Auribus tenebo lupum. You will hold the wolf by his ears. You do not presently hold him. And stop calling me queen.”

Ascanio grinned at me. “Yes, alpha.”

Still Sick

Winners of the tiny Currans have been emailed and announced in the widget.  Their names are: Jana Leah, Shez Lyman, Samara Dragstra (Netherlands), Rebecca Kim, and Samantha from Minneapolis.

A taste of Burn For Me for your reading pleasure.  Yes, I am bribing you.  I am sick and I need to work.  I have no content.


My cell phone rang on the table. I never went far without it, even in the house. I picked it up. An unlisted number. Oh goodie.

“Nevada Baylor.”

“I need to talk to you,” Mad Rogan said into the phone. “Meet me for lunch.”

My pulse jumped, my body snapped to attention, and my brain shut down for a second to come to terms with the impact of his voice. I’d slap myself except my mother and grandmother already thought I was nuts, and hurting myself would get me committed for sure.

“Sure, let me get right on that.” Hey, my voice still worked. “Should I bring my own chains this time? Or do you have bigger plans, and this is some sort of freaky murder foreplay”—  why did the word foreplay just come out of my mouth?— “and I’ll end up cut up into small pieces inside some freezer at the end? I can just spray myself with mace and shoot myself in the head now and save you the trouble.”

“Are you done?” he asked.

“Just getting started.” I was so brave over the phone.

“Lunch, Ms. Baylor. Concentrate. Pick a place.”

“You seem to be under the impression that I work for you and you can give me orders. Let me fix that.” I hung up.

Grandma looked at my mom. “Did she just hang up on Mad Rogan?”

“Yes, she did. Did you know that Adam Pierce showed up at our house last night?”

Grandma’s eyes went wide. “He was here?”

“She met him outside.”

Grandma swung toward me. “Did you take any pictures?”

My phone beeped. Unlisted number again. I answered it.

“I’m not a man of infinite patience,” Mad Rogan said.

I hung up.

“Pictures or it didn’t happen!” Grandma declared.

I scrolled through my phone and pulled up the shot of Adam Pierce in a Mercer T- shirt. “There you go.”

Grandma grabbed the phone. It beeped. She answered it. “She’ll call you back. Nevada, can I email Adam’s picture to myself?”

“You have to hang up first.” She hung up and clicked the phone, typing with her index fingers. “Arabella is going to flip.”

My mother sighed.

Grandma passed me the phone. “Here’s your phone back.”

Another beep.


His voice was quiet and precise. “If you hang up on me again, I will slice your car into small pieces and hang them on your roof like Christmas wreaths.”

Sick as a dog

I don’t know what the hell this plague is, but it is terrible.  I’ve got fever, cough, clogged nose, upset stomach, the whole nine yards. I have jury duty today, so I am hoping they will let me out or I will infect the entire justice system with my crud. Sorry if you emailed me.  I will try to get to it later.  Kid 2 is going to the doctor today and I hope to do the same.

Not Cool

Why is it that whenever kids return to school, they inevitably bring some sort of crud home with them and why does that crud inevitably get me?  My nose is clogged, my throat hurts, I think I have a fever, and I am so tired.  I feel awful.


I can’t be sick.  I have stuff to do today.  I took Advil Cold and Sinus but it’s not kicking in.  I would really like it to kick in.  Right about now.  I look like I am 200 years old and my hair is a mess.

Conversations from around our house


20140915_112422[1]On Middle Names, Difficulty in Spelling

Gordon, filling out forms for the flight to New York ComiCon: How do you spell your middle name?

Me: Kwisatz Haderach!

Gordon: Well, that would be easier to spell.


20140915_112425[1]On T-shirts

Gordon: Are you buying more T-shirts from Old Navy?

Me: Don’t judge me!  They have a sale.  (Which is by the way all your fault.)


20140915_112445[1]On Pants, Part 1

Me: You are sixteen years old.  Why aren’t you wearing any pants?  You can’t just run around in a long T-shirt and underwear.

Kid 2: It’s who I am.

Me: Your father lives in this house.  Kid 1’s boyfriend is here.  Put on pants.

Kid 2: No.  They restrict my freedom.

Me: Put on pants or your boyfriend isn’t coming over.

Kid 2: Mooom…

Me: It’s who I am.  Deal with it.


20140915_112533[1]On Pants, Part 2

Text to Kid 2’s phone from unfamiliar number: Put on pants!

Kid 2: Who is this?  O_O

Kid 2 to Kid 1:  Look at this text!  Do you think this is a stalker?

Kid 1: No.

Reply: This is Diana across the street.  You’re walking up the stairs and I can see you through the front window.  Put on pants!


On Conflict Resolution

Kid 1, listening to a long spirited “discussion” between Kid 2 and her father: This family needs Jesus.


On Reasons for Marriage

I had cut up too many apples and ended up with an extra apple pie, which I took across the street.

Diana’s adult son:  H. (his girlfriend) says, “I want Ilona to make me pie forever.” We both really liked the pie she made. It was awesome.

Gordon: I will tell her that you guys liked it. I’m not saying I married her because of her pie, I’m just saying I would again.

Get Your Own Curran Giveaway

Important announcement from the sponsor of the giveaway :):  We will be at New York Comicon on October 9-12.   Please see our schedule here.  Some of our events are ticketed, and although the tickets are FREE, you may need to sign up in advance because the number of attendees is limited.

We are giving away 5 Currans.  As you can see from the picture, they are wee little guys.  :)  Each is wearing a black T-shirt that says “Here, kitty kitty.”

The giveaway below is open to international and domestic readers.  We will try to make sure there is at least one international winner, and it would help us greatly if when you entered by leaving a comment on the blog, you could indicate the country you are from.  You can enter by tweeting about giveaway, following us on Facebook or Twitter, and by leaving a blog comment.  Leaving a blog comment is a mandatory option.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

New York Comic Con Schedule

Ilona & Gordon will be at the 2014 New York Comic Con! For those of you who are going to be able to make it, here is their schedule:


Thursday, October 9th:

7:00 pm:

Barnes & Noble Signing
33 E 17th St.
New York, NY 10003


Friday, October 10th

1:15 – 2:00 pm

NY Comic Con Panel: Playing With Magic
Ilona Andrews & Kim Harrison
Area: 1A01

2:15 – 3:15 pm

NY Comic Con Signing
Ilona Andrews & Kim Harrison
Area: Autographing Area by 1A01


Saturday, October 11th

11:00 am – 12:00 pm

NY Comic Con: Penguin Book singing**
Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites
Booth 2108

12:30 – 1:15 pm

NY Comic Con: Ticketed in Book Signing**
Ilona Andrews Burn for Me
Booth: *details to come soon

**Both of these signing events will require a ticket to enter. Tickets will be available for FREE the day of the event, at the Penguin/Avon booths.


here kitty kitty

Ilona & Gordon will also be giving away Curran lions at this event. They are super adorable, as you can see from the image above.

Magic Breaks Promotion: UK only

Magic-Breaks-UKDear UK fans,

We are trying an experiment.  We managed to reach an agreement with Kindle UK, where Kindle UK copy of Magic Breaks will be drastically discounted to £.99 starting with September 25th, 4:00 PM GMT.  The price will slowly rise over the next few days.  It’s a countdown promotion: the longer you wait, the higher is the price. So if you have been holding off, September 25th, 4:oo-7:00 PM GMT is your best bet.

Please spread the word, if it’s not too much trouble.  :)

Mere Formality

MereFormality_smFor some odd reason, Mere Formality link is broken in Ebooks.  If you really enjoyed this silly story, here are the links to redownload it.

Warning: this story is one big dirty joke.  There is no actual sex, but there is a lot discussion about it.  It was written on a dare.  Someone told us that we couldn’t write a short story around one particular phrase, and we did.  So I recommend this for people 18+.  Because you know, we wouldn’t want to corrupt your minors.

A Mere Formality : EPUB

A Mere Formality : Mobi/Kindle


Quick Note

By popular demand, Prologue to Sweep in Peace is now included with the rest of the story.  To read it, click Sweep in Peace on the left menu or follow this link: prologue.