On Family, Quotable Nature Of

By Ilona on February 26, 2010

on-family-quotable-nature-of

Kid 2 to Del, the Doberman Hellbeast: Are you eyeballing me, tough guy?  Do you want me to take an interest in you?

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Watching DEAD SNOW, a Norwegian horror film about medical students attacked by a group of Nazi WWII zombies.

Me: Will you protect me from Nazi zombies?

Gordon: I don’t know.  I might just have to throw you to the zombies.

Me: Really?

Gordon: Yep. ‘Here look, she has a giant brain!  And she’s Russian!’ Oh they’ll love you.

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Kid 1,  riding in the back of the car with Luka, who drools and loves her to death.  Kid 1 hates drool and has recently been accused of not reading enough to enrich her vocabulary: Luka!  Go sit over there!  Get away from me!  Don’t you do it!  Don’t you wipe your drool on my book bag!  Luka!!  You revolting, disgusting, sickening, stinking, foul dog!  These are brand-new stockings!

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Me: Maybe we shouldn’t wreck the pool.

Gordon: What’s your problem with the pool?

Me: It will cost $1,300 to wreck it.

Gordon: Damn it, devil woman, you get everything, the new carpet, the new paint, I get the @#$% pool wrecked.

Jennifer, the Realtor: Okay, I am going to go now…

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Me, stumbling out into the living room at a little before six am: I got it.

Gordon, pouring us two cups of coffee: Mmm?

Me: She whispers the locks open.

Gordon, considering: Yes, that will work.

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The Galleys! The Galleys!

By Ilona on February 25, 2010

the-galleys-the-galleys

The galleys arrived.

This is not the galleys. This is Luka, because no project involving the floor can occur without his interference.

This is not the galleys either. This is the vicious doberman hellbeast.

This is Luka and the galleys. Bonus points.

This is the first page. Click to enlarge, if so desired.

These are galleys from the side.

This is some random page with Curran on it. Click to enlarge.

Yes, I am taunting you with galleys.  Why do you ask?

We probably won’t get a lot of ARCs (advanced reader copies of the book).  So I am toying with the idea of perhaps making a copy of this mess and giving it away.  Two things stop me.

1) It’s loose leaf and hard to read.

2) I really don’t want to find it on the interwebs.  Maybe we could sign across some pages or something, so then we’d know for sure that it was our copy of the galleys that was leaked.

I shall have to consult Lord Panda.

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Changing Horses in Midstream

By Ilona on February 24, 2010

changing-horses-in-midstream

One of the challenges of writing for publication is abandoning the luxury of writing for fun.  I have this super awesome psychic idea.  I can’t work on it.  My head is full of Kate 5, but I can’t work on that either.  I have edits on BAYOU MOON but I can’t work on that either because the galleys for MAGIC BLEEDS are in the mail as we speak, and they must be worked on before all else.

Human brains are not like computers and mine in particular takes a little bit of time to shift.  I’ve been thinking about the galleys all day, but they are not here yet, so even though I have pressing deadlines on everything, I can work on nothing.

So I bring you a couple of snippets from Kate 5 just for funsies.

Snippet one

“How was your day? Besides the talking?”

“I saw a body that exploded and dumped enchanted ants all over the floor.  Tomorrow I have that stupid meeting with the Guild.  More talking.”

“I’m supposed to tell you that it’s been moved to next week.”

“I guess I’ll save my talking to next week then.”

“You could always go for Plan B,” he told me.

“Knock out everyone who disagrees with me?”

“Exactly.”

Snippet two

I glanced at the summary.  “It says here that when Sandra woke up, you were in her bedroom, nude, and carrying a bouquet of sticks.”

Ken turned a shade redder, but I couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or outrage.  “They were roses.  I tore the petals off and put them on the carpet.”

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Dollfie Dream wigs

By Alice on February 22, 2010

We got new wigs for our dollfies. Moe looks so sweet and Hikaru looks really stylish!

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On Domination of the Universe

By Ilona on February 22, 2010

on-domination-of-the-universe

C. writes:

Can I just send you my money now and get the book as you write it?  I’m dying here and May is too far away.

Yes.  That will be one million dollars.  Thank you.

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Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition

By Ilona on February 22, 2010

nobody-expects-the-spanish-inquisition

Life comes with obstacles. It’s in the User Manual. And while you’re trying to negotiate said obstacles, the Universe amuses itself by tossing a barrage of potatoes at you. Have you ever been hit with a potato? Hurts like a sonovabitch.

The first barrage of potatoes came when we invited the realtor in. She informed us that to sell the house, we would have to move out. That’s fine. We found the house and we’re moving.

The second barrage was the movers – nobody wanted to ship the dogs because Luka’s crate is too large to fit through the door of most planes and Sam with his bully nose and elderly age is considered high risk. That’s fine – we found an alternative method. The dogs are being shipped by car.

The third wave were the deadlines. That’s fine too, our publisher is very understanding and we got a little extra time.

This morning Kid 2 woke up with a sore throat and fever, because she can’t miss anymore school; the dogs spontaneously developed ear infections, because they can’t travel without a certificate of health; and, because we’re draining the above ground pool to be demolished, it is raining like someone broke the main pipe to the heavens.

::drums fingertips on the keyboard::

Vet appointment made. Gordon stopped by pharmacy on his way from the gym. In a couple of minutes I will find my rain slicker, go out there, and repeat the vacuum trick with the hose and stretch the hose out so the pool will drain into the street. Because draining it into the yard would just be disastrous with all the water out there.

Must not get sick.

::chants like Osaka from Azumanga Daioh:: Get it together. Get it together. Get it together…

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